


listen to the stars

by afterreality



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: & theres a bunch of kittens smuggled in dorms, Eating Disorders, I'll add tags as this progresses, M/M, any mistakes ignore them i go back for missed corrections regularly, basically everyone is soft & supportive of each ofther, deaf renjun, its all in the past but its there sometimes but he grows from it ok, lil art student renjun, performing arts donghyuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-04-24 17:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19178236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afterreality/pseuds/afterreality
Summary: Summer was ending which meant uni was coming and for Renjun, having to decide whether to return or not.But perhaps if he gave it another shot, he’d find out that with uni came friends who made bets over everything, kittens that had to be hidden and a cute boy who’s smile maybe made him blush a little.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is an adaptation of a au on twitter, if you want to read that then you can find it at afterreality_ on twitter
> 
> if there's any mistakes ignore them, i'll correct them when i read through again

Before

 

Renjun had known from a young age that he was different from his peers, maybe 5 or 6, possibly earlier. He’d noticed pretty early on how his parents treated him more delicately than his brother, how people gave him sad looks in the supermarket. It wasn’t until he was older that it bothered him, but not by many years. He noticed it in the way people laughed at his brothers jokes, invited him out to play, the way their parents let him out of sight without the awkward pause they gave Renjun when he asked for the same.

His brother, Sicheng, was the perfect son. Athletic but Artistic. Intelligent and multi talented. Funny and kind but strong and straight forward. Renjun was more artistic than athletic, intelligent but more scatterbrained. Kind but quiet, perhaps a little too blunt. It wasn’t Sichengs fault that sometimes, Renjun hated him, just a little bit. Sometimes a lot. It wasn’t either of their faults that Renjun just was different, no matter how bad they wanted differently.

School was difficult, Renjun didn’t find a place to fit in and that made him more so a target. Sichengs protectiveness grew and it only served to anger Renjun more. When bullies would shove him into the row of lockers, their approach hidden from Renjuns ears, Sicheng would appear over his shoulder. He was always just there and it infuriated Renjun. When they’d been younger they’d been best friends, Renjun had thought Sicheng was incredible but unreachable none the less. Sicheng was a golden child and Renjun had always been standing in his brothers shadow.

Things got better between them once Renjun switched schools, his parents had had enough of the bruises and unrelenting silences. They’d sent Renjun to specialists and doctors as a child, tried to help him as much as they could but now, his silences stretched to an uncomfortable angry level. Sicheng left for college the same year Renjun moved schools, their relationship got better in stops and starts thanks to Renjuns own jealousy. It bothered the both of them that Renjun was angry at his brother, Sicheng who had never been anything but kind to him. Sicheng who has been the first to learn and adapt to Renjuns world. Space and time helped but it was acceptance that helped them both. Acceptance that Renjun would never be Sicheng, that Sicheng would never be able to change things for Renjun.

But art, art made it all better. Renjun would lose himself to his paints, chalks and pastels. He could spend hours hunched over his tablet drawing away but nothing was quite the same as the smell of wet paint. His fingers stained purple and the chemical smell of his studio clung to his hair. Paper turned to canvas and canvas to clothing. Renjun loved the feeling of seeing his customised clothing hanging in his closest, just waiting to be shown. Art eased the pressure on his chest, it was something that couldn’t be compared to his brother. It brought colours into his bad days allowing him to lose himself in the hues and shades. Art didn't need sound, it didn’t need him to translate his thoughts. It just was, it was colours and images and brush strokes that didn't need him to be any different. He didn’t need words to convey his thoughts, just his paints and a little patience.

 

The beginning 

 

Renjun rolled over onto his stomach, the sun filtering across his bed through the half closed blinds, blindly he reached his hand out feeling for the bottle of water he’d left somewhere on the windowsill. It was still too hot for his liking even this late in the summer, his shirt stuck to his sticky back and he could feel the beads of sweat catching in the bend of his elbow as his hand finally found the damn bottle. Without opening his eyes he lifted his head just slightly, tipping the bottle against his lips. Empty. Not a drop of water entered his too dry mouth, cracking one sleep swollen eye open he sighed through his nose. He was too tired, too hot, too thirsty and the vibrations of his mother's music was too annoying for him to even attempt to maintain a calm composure so early in the morning. Throwing his blanket back, he made sure to stamp his feet as hard as possible as he made his way downstairs. He doubted his mother would even notice considering how fucking loud she had the music up.

Of course as he turned into the kitchen, there she was dancing along to whatever upbeat track she had playing, her back turned to him as she swayed across the room towards the stove. A notebook lay open beside it, Renjun could just make out delicate handwriting across the pages. He assumed she must be working on another cookbook then. Still, it was too early and too hot for him to hide his irritation so instead of alerting her to his presence in a … civilised manner he shouldered his way past her, knocking her hip with his to get to the refrigerator and it's blessed cold water. She startled at his sudden appearance in the room, reaching over to turn her music down even though both of them knew it was pointless.

Renjun could feel her eyes on the side of his face as he drank from the bottle, ignored the way some of the drink spilled from the corner of his lips until his mouth felt a little less like he’d swallowed sand before wiping his chin with the back of his hand. When he turned, his mother was leaning against the counter with her hip, a wooden spoon held in the air between them and she had one arched eyebrow raised at his behaviour. For all of the maturity he had, Renjun rolled his eyes at her unspoken question. ‘What's with you’ it was the look she always gave him when he was being unceremoniously stroppy. She’d been giving him that look ever since he was little, when he was younger he’d give in and tell her what was bothering him but now he just stomped his way over to one of the stools by the breakfast bar and dropped his head onto his folded arms.

He was hoping his mother might just return to her cooking and accept that he was just having one of his bad days but unfortunately for him, or her he was undecided, she chose to tap him on his head with her spoon. It was probably meant to be a request for him to tell her what was wrong but to Renjun in his current mood it felt more like a demand. He swatted her spoon away and made no effort to lift his head but she was persistent and his cheek was starting to stick to his arm from the added heat of the stove. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, once, twice, three times, trying to collect his composure. It didn't work very well when a body collided with his from the side almost throwing him from his seat. Whipping his head up to glare at whoever had flung themselves at him, his cousin pointedly ignored the look he was being sent with a wide grin directed at his mother.

Chenle, on any given day he could be a fiery hot tempered brat and others his smile could put the sun to shame his energy radiating from his body. Not much unlike himself, Renjun mused. Right now though Chenles attention was on his mother and whatever she was cooking, the pair talking away to each other in a conversation Renjun didn't have the energy to try to keep up with. Chenles arm was still flung over Renjuns shoulder as his mother turned back to the stove, despite his obvious desire to be left alone. Chenle bless him, never was quite as attuned to Renjuns mood as his brother was. And it was thanks to either his cousins obliviousness or blatant disregard for Renjuns bad mood that he found himself being dragged out onto the small cracked patio behind the house. Chenle pushed him down onto the swing seat, rusted and with its paint peeling off due to the years of sitting outside in the rain, before dropping down next to him.

It took less than five minutes before Chenle had to turn Renjuns face away from the garden so they were facing each other. He noted at how the others eyes flicked down to the scowl on his own face, his bright smile wavering only slightly before returning albeit slightly less secure. Whatever Chenle was here for, he clearly needed Renjun to be in a much better mood than his current one but luck was clearly not on either of their sides today. Chenle to his credit, only hesitated a second, his hands stiling in front of his chest, before asking Renjun if he was excited to return to college this term. When he didn't receive an answer he prodded Renjuns thigh and when that didn't get any reply he sat back with a huff.

College, Renjun had attended for a half a year before taking leave. He’d thought he was ready to leave home and live his own life in a big new city but even with Sicheng being close by it had proven perhaps a little too overwhelming for Renjun so he’d deferred for the rest of year and returned to the relative comfort of his childhood bedroom and his paints. It was most certainly not his proudest moment. But now with summer nearly over, it meant he had to decide whether to return and finish his degree or drop out entirely. He hadn’t quite decided yet. So, to have Chenle asking about it, on a day where Renjun already would much rather not be sitting on an old swing seat, with a spring digging into his back in the insufferable heat… well it didn’t make the prospect of moving back across the country any more appealing.

Chenle let Renjun sit and sulk, swinging his legs back and forth to rock their seat. Renjun tucked his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them, thinking. This time it’d be different wouldn't it, he’d know more of what would be expected and his parents had paid extra for him to have a interpreter there to help him follow his lectures. Sicheng would still be there, living close by with his partner and even Chenle and Jisung would be attending the same college. Neither of them were taking the same degree but they would still be there close by if Renjun ever needed them. But it was the thought of having to meet a new roommate, new students, new teachers that left a bitter taste in his mouth. That hadn’t gone well for him the last few times he’d started at a new place.

College, it was both something he longed for and yet wanted to stay completely 100% away from. But summer was nearly over and his time to decide running out.

 

Chenle only let him sulk for another half hour before dragging him up to his bedroom and throwing clothes at him. Renjun stared at his cousin making no move to put the clothes on so Chenle threw his hands in the air and shouted ‘Ice cream!’ or at least Renjun hoped that's what he’d said, because he quickly tugged off his sweat dampened clothes and tugged on the clean ones. Ice cream, that he could agree to. The pair quickly made their way down to the front door, shoes roughly put on before heading out. Renjuns house was close enough to the beach and the ice cream parlour that he was only mildly annoyed about being sweaty again when they arrived. The place was hideous all green and yellow walls with red and white booths made of cracked vinyl circling cheap plastic tables. But it wasn’t very busy despite the heat and they had really, really good ice cream to offer.

Renjun followed Chenle to their usual booth at the back of the room, they’d been coming here since they were kids and this specific booth had somehow become theirs. There were even little drawings left on the wall that Renjun remembered his aunt had scolded them both for when he was about 7. The waitress came over despite the fact neither of them had looked at the menu, Chenle rattling off their usuals. Banana chocolate with extra whipped cream, chocolate chunks and waffle pieces for Renjun and Strawberry and Chocolate swirl with all the same extras for Chenle. With a small serving of bingsu to share on the side.

Chenle didn't push Renjun for an answer to his earlier question as they sat and ate instead leaving him to look out the window and watch as people made their way down to the beach, trying to catch every last sunny day while they could. He didn’t say anything but Renjun could tell Chenle wanted to ask him more, he could see it in the way his lips tugged down and in the crease between his eyebrows. In the way his eyes kept flicking from Renjuns face to his half eaten ice cream.

The day didn’t progress any better, Renjun stayed pointedly quiet and Chenle pretended his bad mood wasn't bothering him. They ordered take out for dinner and watched some terrible movie on the tv, Renjuns mum disappeared upstairs and his dad sat in the old armchair reading a book. The heat stuck late into the night, even after Chenle had gone home without any answers. Renjun rolled his shoulders where he was spread out on the sofa, the bad mood he’d been dealing with all day had made his body tired and aching but his mind was far from any thought of sleep. Out of the corner of his eye he watched his dad turn the page in his book, pushing his glasses up his nose. His dad looked so much like his brother, older but still eerily similar it was jarring at times. Like looking at a future Sicheng. He noticed Renjuns staring and flashed a quick small smile at him before lowering his book.

“you look like you’ve got a lot on your mind” Renjun shrugged, he now found himself wondering why his father preferred using speech with him over sign language. It didn't make it much harder to hold a conversation but perhaps that's why he did it, because it was that small amount harder. Renjun asked him as much, he could only imagine how terrible he must have sounded speaking out loud after a day of not using his voice.

“because it’s nice to hear your voice after you refused to use it for so long” Renjun couldn’t hear if he was being sincere but he rolled his eyes and looked back at the tv anyway. His father kicked his leg with his foot, so he turned his eyes back to him showing that he was paying attention. “want to tell me what's wrong?”

“nothing”

“you're a bad liar” Renjun wasn't, that was just a particularly bad one.

“heat, bad movie, college”

at this his father placed his book down and leaned forward “what about it”

his father sure asked a lot of questions, Renjun debated just telling him about his worries but instead he replied with “it's too hot. The plot is bad” He knew he had fumbled the pronunciation of plot, the word had felt wrong in his mouth but his dad didn't comment, he shook his head.

“It is, but what about college?”

“Nothing, it's stupid”

“It’s not stupid if you’re bothered by it” At this particular moment, the way his dad spoke annoyed him. Slow and with a little too much effort to make sure Renjun could read his lips. Looking back at the tv he lifted his hands, signed the word for stop and rolled over effectively ending any attempt at further questioning.

By the time he went to bed, his bad mood hadn’t lifted and he still had a thin layer of sweat sticking his clothes to him. Perhaps he could sleep it off but something in the pit of his stomach told him that eventually he’d have to face his worries.

In a few months, he’d be back at college unless he decided otherwise.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT point:  
> if text in a conversation is in italics it means they used sign. verbal speech is in standard format. This is done because well, obviously both spoken and sign language is going to be used and i figured this was the easiest way to distinguish the two. 
> 
> Also i'm very aware sign does not translate word for word and that the % of words visible on lips is way lower but i'm trying to make this as reader friendly as possible.
> 
> this is an adaptation of a au on twitter, if you want to read that then you can find it at afterreality_ on twitter

2

 

Renjuns mood didn't improve for three more days, he spent most of his days sprawled across his bed watching documentary upon documentary on conspiracy theories or hunched over his sketchbook. His parents opened his door every once in a while, poking their heads in and sending him worried glances but didn't push for him to join them downstairs other than at dinner time. During the hour he was made to join his parents downstairs, he sat curled up in the corner of the sofa his plate balanced precariously on his knees and eyes stuck on the tv. The second night of his ongoing temper tantrum his mother had tried to engage with him in a conversation, he almost guilty for blatantly ignoring her when she was sitting next to him. By mid afternoon on the fourth day he was as equally frustrated with himself as he was everything around him.

The clock hand on his old train station style clock had just clicked to 4:17pm when his bedroom door swung open with force. Renjun was prepared to throw something, anything at whoever had opened it but his hand stopped mid air. Sicheng. His brother stood leaning against the doorway with his arms folded across his chest looking at Renjun with a pensive look. Renjun sat still under his brothers scrutiny, mouth pulled closed shut around whatever he’d been prepared to shout, if Sicheng was here it meant his parents had called him home. And by the looks of it Renjuns sour mood was why.

Sicheng was less apprehensive than their parents and less tactless than Chenle when it came to dealing with Renjuns moods. He watched his brother stride across the room before dropping down onto the bed beside him, his laptop and water bottle bouncing against each other at the new weight. Neither said anything for a good moment, Renjun was almost ready to turn back his laptop when he was smacked in the back of the head. As he rubbed his head he scowled at Sicheng, that was not what he had been expecting. With swift hands Sicheng crossed & folded his fingers _brat_  Renjun almost wanted to laugh, if sicheng had only come here to smack him upside the head and call him childish names, he could leave again. Sooner preferably. But he stopped there, pushing at Renjun to make more room on the bed and repositioned himself so they were laying side by side and clicked play on the documentary Renjun had been watching. This, this was more Sichengs style. The two of them lay there watching the show, Renjun knew Sicheng had little interest in conspiracies but he also knew his brother was simply keeping him company until he was ready to talk. They both knew eventually he’d confide in his brother, that Sicheng and his quiet company would break through the Renjuns sulkiness it never took too long because while Sicheng would try to get the answers he was looking for he wouldn’t push.

The clock had turned to 11:53pm when Renjun finally cracked, Sicheng had moved up the bed and sat against the headboard reading one of the books that had been discarded beside it with his long legs kicked over Renjuns shorter ones. Renjun sat up and cracked his back before spinning around to face his brother who looked up from the book with only mild interest.

Renjun bit on his lip thinking over his words in his head.

 _I don't know if I want to go back to college_.

Sicheng despite Renjuns statement simply blinked at him with a slight head tilt to continue .

 _I don't know if i’m_ \- a pause- _ready to go back. What if I can't do it?_

_what?_

Renjun groaned, how was this helping him.

_what if I fail again and I have to come back home? what if I'm just not good enough to go?_

_you didn't fail, how did you fail?_

Sicheng had leaned toward slightly during their conversation, causing Renjun to once again compare him to their father. Renjun leaned back on his hands, tilting his head up to stare at the glow in the dark solar system on his ceiling.

“I had to leave”

With the way Renjun was looking away Sicheng was forced to move forward, placing his hands on either side of Renjuns face and holding his head so he could see his brothers reply,

“struggling is not the same as failure”

_that's easy for you to say_

Sicheng rolled his eyes, “everyone struggles at some point” 

“I’m not good enough Sicheng, I’m not” he huffed as Sicheng let out a breathy laugh at him. He tried not to let it agitate him, he really did.

“Says who”

Renjun stabbed his own chest with his index finger with a little more force than intended. Sicheng watched him do so before replying with a small smile

“idiot”

Okay, he’d had enough. If his brother wasn’t going to actually listen and just insult him he was going back to his show. As he turned ready to pointedly ignore Sicheng, two hands grabbed his wrists and forced him to face his brother once more, “the only thing stopping you is fear. Don’t be a coward.” Renjun struggled against his brothers grip but Sicheng was the stronger of the two, holding him so he had to watch him speak. “You’re smart enough and talented enough to go otherwise you wouldn’t have been accepted in the first place.” With that Sicheng let go of his wrists causing him to abruptly fall back onto the bed before returning to the book discarded on the pillows.

 

At 2:15am Renjuns stomach rumbled so hard he was afraid it’d wake Sicheng from where he lay buried amongst the pillows. Renjun stood stretching his arms over his head enjoying the crack of his shoulders after sitting still for so long. The house was dark as he stumbled down the two staircases to the ground floor, trying his best to be as quiet as possible when he couldn’t see a thing around him. Finally reaching the kitchen he squinted at the bright light after switching it on, his foot snagged on something on the floor looking down he spotted a duffle bag discarded by the breakfast bar, one of the straps now effectively hooked around his ankle. When he made it to the cupboards, sans duffle anklet, he climbed up onto the counter to be able to see what food they had. His father always hid the good stuff out of sight (and both Renjun and his mother's arms reach) at the back so Renjun pushed aside random cooking ingredients his mother used not bothering to be careful considering they were lacking organisation to begin with. Then they came into view, packets of sweets, a few bags of savoury snacks and chocolate. So much chocolate. He grabbed himself a bar and a box of pepero before pushing all the previously moved items back to hide his little steal.

He nearly fell off the counter in shock when he turned around to slide down. Watching him from atop the breakfast bar sat his mother with a small smile and a couple of egg tarts in her hands which she held up in offering. Renjun nodded and looked down at the packets in his hands before spinning back around and snagging another box of pepero as his mother placed the tarts in the oven. While they waited for them to cook they sat side by side on the counter munching on his father's snacks, Renjun swinging his legs back and forth gently banging his heels on the wood. Renjun turned to his mother, placing his fist against his chest and rotating it in a small clockwise circle. His mother kissed his forehead accepting his apology before ruffling his hair with her small hand. Just as the timer to the oven flashed Sicheng rounded the corner with a sly smile and hopped up on the counter beside him, eyeing up the egg tarts as his mother placed them on a plate. Their mother laughed spotting that her oldest son had joined them in their late night snacking but handed him one of the cases as if he’d been sat there all night. Renjun tried not to smile at the fond look on her face as she watched them both.

A little after they’d stopped eating their mother went back to bed after kissing the tops of both their heads and one last glance over her shoulder to where they sat now sipping on children's cartons of flavoured milk. Renjun noted the clock above the oven said it was now 3:39am and he felt his body sag at the realisation, sleepiness quickly settling over his body. Sicheng took one look at him before hopping back off the counter and began cleaning up after them all. Renjun didn’t protest when he was lifted into his brothers arms simply reaching out to press the lights off as they passed the switch. Sicheng deposited him back onto his bed with little care not waiting to see if he managed to climb under the blankets before turning and heading back out to the hallway, presumably to go sleep in his own room the floor below. Renjun didn’t bother tidying up the items strewn all over the bed as sleep quickly forced his eyes closed with hazy heaviness.

The following day brought a lift to Renjuns mood and by extension the tension in the house, he hadn’t even noticed how there had been an unsettled atmosphere until he sat down for breakfast and shared good mornings with his parents. Sicheng was absent as their mother placed bowls of food in the middle of the counter but appeared not long after, probably stirred by the scent of good food. He watched as his brother conversed with their parents, his father smiling around his coffee mug while their mother hid a laugh behind her hand. He didn’t know if the discussion with his brother had really eased any of his worries from him but it had taken some of the pressure away. He felt less tightly strung, noting that his back didn't ache for the first time in days. Perhaps it was just his brother presence that had broken through his dark mood, he hadn’t come home all summer.

 

  

After breakfast Chenle came barging through the door in his usual manner tailed by a taller quieter boy who Chenle introduced as his future roommate Jisung to Sicheng who had given him a curious once over. Jisung has become a regular fixture in Renjuns life over the summer, as soon as the younger boys had gotten their roommate assignment emails Chenle had reached out to him. Their back and forth via texting had resulted in Jisung visiting, and apparently staying for the rest of the holidays. Renjun liked the kid though, shy in the company of strangers but oddly funny and slightly sarcastic once you got to know him. He’d also taken quick interest in learning Sign Language when he’d learned that Renjun, well, couldn’t hear him. He was a quick learner too which helped gain him favour in Renjuns standing. The newly formed duo joined the brothers in a trip to the beach, Sicheng striking up conversation with the youngest on the walk over while Chenle and Renjun raced each other up the sand dune and back down the other side.

The four of them kicked off their shoes and left them in a pile at the base of the dune before walking down to the waters edge with their jeans rolled up. Chenle and Jisung immediately engaging in a water fight that had he and Sicheng stepping back out of the splash zone. By the time the two of them calmed down Renjun had moved on to writing in the sand with a stray stick and Sicheng was taking photos on his camera he’d slung around his neck before they'd left the house. In all fairness the weather was probably not the best for beach going and Renjun regretted not putting on a jacket but it wasn’t unpleasant either. A force knocked him over and extra weight kept him pinned down. Chenle and Jisung had him trapped under their combined weight, both smiling mischievously down at him.

“You’re in a better mood, thank god for that” Renjun laughed at his cousin, earning a larger smile from the younger. Jisung peeled himself up off Chenles back allowing room for Renjun to breathe again, he watched as Jisung approached his brother pointing up the beach to where the food stalls stood before the pair took off in that direction. Chenle however remained hovering over him, _is everything better now?_

Renjun shrugged because no it wasn't, but he wasn’t worrying about it today. Today he just wanted to enjoy being in the company of his friends. Chenle seemed satisfied despite the vagueness and lifted himself up, they sat in the sand together watching as the dark waves broke on the shore, a bird circled the air above their heads. Renjun dug his toes in the sand, wiggling them as the dampness clung to his skin. The others came back after a short wait with boxes of chicken so they sat in a little semi circle facing the waters edge eating their food in a comfortable silence. Not long after they’d finished Sicheng and Jisung broke into an argument over who could run faster, Renjun snorted when he realised the catalyst for it had been who had the longer legs. So now he found himself standing to the side as the pair got ready to race to the flagpole and back, it was childish but he found himself grinning at them. Jisung had a tiny lead at the start until Sicheng grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged him so he could overtake him. Chenle yelled beside him at this foul but Renjun felt himself laugh at his brothers cheating. When they rounded the flag pole itself Jisung pushed Sicheng so he stumbled off balance catching himself before he could fall. The final stretch had them close together, but it was the finishing line where Renjun stood with Chenle that did it. Jisung had pulled ahead just slightly again and Sicheng being Sicheng, tackled him as they passed by the pair falling to the ground in an undignified pile of limbs. He collapsed to his knees laughing, clutching at his stomach as he noticed the horrified look on Jisungs face and the way Sicheng pretended he hadn’t just resorted to taking him out just so he wouldn't lose.

After he’d collected himself, a goofy smile on his face, they headed back up to where their shoes lay shoving them on despite their feet being coated with an uncomfortable layer of sand. His mother was sitting out in the garden when they got back, a bowl of strawberries at her side. Renjun popped one of the larger ones in his mouth as he kicked off his shoes brushing the sand off with his slender fingers. Sicheng headed inside to take a shower while Jisung and Chenle took their leave, claiming they wanted to get back home in time for some show. Renjun rested his head against his mums shoulder stealing another strawberry, he could feel the vibrations of her singing.

 

That night found the family all squished into the small living room watching a film, Renjun sprawled out on the floor with a pillow by his brothers legs as their parents cuddled together on the sofa. The movie wasn’t particularly bad, he’d actually been enjoying it but he couldn’t focus as his eyes began to blur and got heavy with sleep. Taking one last bleary look over at his family, Renjun allowed himself to fall asleep on the living room floor.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always  
> 1) Italics refer to Sign language being used. Standard format means vocalised speech  
> 2) if there are any mistake i promise you, i will fix them but i can not take looking at any more words right now. so please ignore them (& sorry)  
> 3) this is an adaptation of a twitter au if you're interested you can find it at @/afterreality
> 
> This has taken me a while to post as i've been away/ busy since the last update. 
> 
> Any feedback is welcome, enjoy!

 

3

At the beginning of the summer Renjun had taken over teaching art lessons at a nearby library. It didn't pay much and admittedly his students were on average 10 years old but it got him out of the house and he got to paint. The biggest downside of teaching them every other week was the long bus journey he had to take, he passed his old high school, the community center chenle had taken his lessons in sign language and korean at, the swimming pool… it basically took him through the whole town and out the other side. The lessons themselves lasted for an hour and a half, leaving him with the rest of his afternoon free.

So, after the last kid had left the library Renjun headed back into the main town, figuring that doing some shopping wouldn't hurt. Renjuns favourite art store was some tiny little thing built in another stores attic but it was well priced for excellent products. He had to walk through the lower floor, only sparing the briefest glances at the racks of clothing. As soon as he walked into the art floor though his whole attention was on the items around him, his fingers reaching out to brush along the sketchbooks. The cashier barely looked up when she realised it was just him in the store, returning to the novel in her hands. He crouched down to look at their new range of oil paints, a deep rich plum catching his eye. He turned the tester tube over in his hands before reaching for the nearby paintbrush and little canvas cut offs they set out for customers to try out the products. Renjun spent a good thirty minutes browsing the store, which was to say he spent a long time in it, considering it was smaller than his bedroom. He ended up buying three from the new oil collection, two new watercolour sets and a handful of fabric markers. Satisfied with his little haul Renjun headed up the main street to a few other stores he frequented.

He only had a little over an hour left before the last bus home would leave when he sat down at a table to grab some food. The grandma who owned the, to be honest, slightly run down restaurant came out to greet him, her smile more gums than teeth. Only locals really came in here, the appearance turning tourists away but Renjun loved it. They had some of the best food on offer and there had never been any trouble whenever he’d visited. The old woman had run it with her husband for as long as he could remember, but since he’d passed away she had mostly taken care of business herself. Mostly, because more often than not some of the college kids from the local schools helped her out for a bit of extra cash. Today, there were only four tables taken, Renjun recognising most of the people occupying them. The grandma knew his order, so after a quick squeeze of his cheeks she made her way back to the kitchen without any question. When he was finished eating, Renjun collected all his plates up and instead of leaving them out to be collected he carried them through to the back, the grandma looking over her shoulder at his entrance. When she didn't try usher him out he made his way to the sink where several dirty dishes sat. He started with his own, quickly cleaning them off before he started with the ones that had been sat there before his arrival. He was pushing his luck with time but he didn’t mind, there hadn't been anyone in here helping today and it wasn’t like his plans for the evening stretched beyond laying in bed watching shows on his laptop.

When he finally finished, he’d 100% missed the last bus, rubbing his hands off on his jeans he texted Sicheng to see if he could send Renjun a lift home. Sicheng quickly texted back to say him and their mother would come get him, so while he waited he grabbed a cloth and some anti bacterial spray and headed back out to the main seated area. The grandma was cashing up the till when he passed, he sent a small smile and bow of his head. Sicheng walked through the door just they finished cleaning the place, Renjun didn't even notice until his brother tapped his shoulder. The pair grabbed Renjuns shopping that still sat beside his empty table, Sicheng stopped to greet the grandma who engulfed his middle with a tight hug. As they made to leave the Grandma grabbed Renjuns arm, quickly shoving some money in his hand. When he tried to return it she smiled, all gums again, before pushing his straight through the door and locking it behind him. He shrugged and placed the money in his pocket, their mum sat in the car idling at the curb by the entrance before Renjun could even make for it Sicheng climbed into the front passenger side and reclined the seat back. Renjun, slid into the back seat, quickly thanking his mother for picking him up before resting his head back. He hadn’t realised how late it's gotten, the sun now fully set as tiredness overcame him.

When Renjun next opened his eyes they were parked outside the house, his mother drawing circles on his arm to wake him up and Sicheng long gone. Renjun dragged himself up the stairs to his bedroom, throwing his backpack into the small sofa pushed up against the wall opposite his bed. Grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, he returned down a flight of stairs to where his little art studio and the bathroom sat. Calling the tiny room a studio was a stretch, really it was a small box room that had become unused after he’d grown to big for it and his parents had had the attic converted into a new bedroom for him. But still, it was his and it was full of all the things he loved. One side held canvases and shelves full on sketchbooks, a desk pushed up under the small window was filled with all types of pastels and pens. The other side had more shelving on it where he kept his paints and fabrics. He’d spent countless hours sat in here. After adding all his new buys to his collection, he padded down the hallway, looking into Sichengs bedroom and spotting his older brother laying across his king bed on his laptop before sliding into the bathroom. The air was still warm which meant someone had only recently vacated the room, which thankfully meant the mirror was steamed up. Renjun kept his eyes focused away from it as he stripped down and stepped into the shower.

Renjuns relationship with his body was complicated and it had in the past caused him problems. Nothing had ever resulted in him taking drastic measures but still sometimes he struggled. It had started when he was young, when he’d first been angry about how his body had failed him in the form of hearing. The anger had spread along with his jealousy towards his brother. He’d started covering up more, purposely wearing loose clothing. It's gotten worse in high school when he began comparing himself to even more people, when people had taken notice of his… disabilities. Teenagers could be cruel and unfortunately for Renjun, it only added to his pre existing issues. He began restricting what he ate, exercising more and became more and more irritable. He’d struggled for a while before his parents stepped in, they’d noticed his weight loss, his obsessive exercise regime, his mood swings and how he lashed out at Sicheng more. They sent him to a therapist, sent him to a clinic, supported him at home and bit by bit he returned to himself. But it lingered. Scales were banned from the household but mirrors, mirrors remained and some days Renjun still struggled to look in them. Some days he would get angry at himself for being inadequate, some days at Sicheng for being so much more than him, some days at the people who had targeted his insecurities.

But he had more good days than bad days and that meant something.

Renjun found his family downstairs, his father was working on his laptop at the breakfast bar while Sicheng and his mother were both curled up on either end of the sofa. Renjun dropped down into the space between them, his mother quickly switched subtitles onto the show they’d been watching before his arrival. Sicheng had a bowl of gummy sweets in his lap but when Renjun reached over to grab some he swatted his hand away without even looking away from the screen. Renjun folded his legs up under himself and dropped his hands into his lap, only a moment passed when something hit him in the side of the head. Looking down he spotted one of the sweets sitting next to his knee. He threw it back at Sicheng who was still facing the screen before quickly swiping a new one from the bowl.

They made it through a few more shows before Renjun finally grew tired of watching tv, Sicheng had lost interest before him and was now typing away on his phone no doubt messaging with Jaehyun who had stayed at their apartment during Sichengs unscheduled visit home. Renjun stood and stretched, sent quick goodnights to his parents knowing they'd probably be off to sleep soon before taking the stairs two at a time. As soon as he dropped down onto his bed he grabbed his laptop, he’d received an email from the university this morning that he should probably at least read. His eyes scanned the contents of it, nothing really of importance in the first paragraph but the second one started with a sentence that made his stomach turn slightly. It had the date for the meeting to discuss his return in it, two weeks from now. He had two weeks left to decide if he wanted to go back or not. Nothing in the email told him he had to reply but out of courtesy he sent a quick one back confirming the date and his attendance, even if the thought of going made him feel slightly sick.

He tried distracting himself from the email by listening to music and reading a book but soon found himself sneaking back downstairs to his art studio. As quiet as he could be he set himself up with some markers and a sketchbook effectively shutting the world out. He had no idea how much time had passed when Sicheng stuck his head in, Renjun glanced up at him but quickly returned to his drawing. No one really came in here unless they were specifically looking for him, but Renjun was so very nearly done with this page that he didn’t bother inviting his brother in. Sicheng sat down on the floor on the other side of the sketchbook and waited for him to be done, fiddling with the bracelet around his wrist in the meantime. Once Renjun seemed the artwork done, or well, mostly done he pushed it to the side and gave his brother his attention.

Sicheng hesitated, his bottom lip tugged in between his teeth so Renjun raised an eyebrow promoting him to just say whatever it was he came here for; _I'm going home in two days._

_this is home._

Sicheng frowned at Renjuns reply, rolling his eyes before he clarified “ Seoul” _I'm leaving_. Now it was Renjuns turn to roll his eyes, obviously he had known what Sicheng had meant, he didn't want him to leave but then again…

_see you in a few weeks_

This time sicheng just looked outright confused, Renjun hadn't told him yet about how his meeting was coming up or that he’d received the email that morning. Renjun reached out for Sichengs wrist and pulled them both up, his brother went willingly with him as he dragged him up to his bedroom. Renjun grabbed his laptop, pushing it into Sichengs hands after pulling up his email. He waited on the edge of his bed, picking at the skin around his thumb nail while Sicheng read the contents on the screen. Once he was done, Sicheng looked up with a huge smile, placing the laptop down next to Renjun he dropped to his knees so they were more face to face.

This is great news, Sicheng couldn't stop smiling, Renjun was so close to returning to University.

 _It’s okay_.

No, it’s better than just okay. This means you're really going back. _I’m proud of you_.

Renjun shrugged, he knew he should be more excited to be going back but his anxiety about returning was back and he was doubtful again. He didn’t know how to really explain it to his brother, didn't know if he could even explain it to himself. His feelings towards university was as complicated as his feelings about himself.

It was like his relationship with food. When it was good it was great when it was bad it was terrible. His course of choice was in art and design but he’d signed up for a fashion design module. At first he’s been hesitant to take something so focused on body and appearance but designing and customising clothes had helped his recovery. Back at the beginning his therapist had suggested using the things he loved to face his fears. Customising his clothes had been a step forward for him, it meant he’d have to think about how it would look on his body. Something he’d tried for so long to hide. Furthermore, it meant drawing attention to himself. He’d refused to let art into that part of his life but seeing artwork he was proud of being complimented while he wore it on his body, something he wasn't proud of, had boosted his confidence. Slowly it had helped him gain back the control, sometimes he slipped but having his art there as something positive helped when negative thoughts case about. Instead of looking in a mirror and only seeing things he hated, his attention would be drawn to his work. But fashion design meant having to design things for other people, meant having to work with the students who took modelling. People who were probably a lot more than him.

Renjun had got lost in his thoughts, Sicheng noticing his inner conflict had moved forward to hold his hands still where he was still picking at the skin. Renjun wanted to be brave, to make everyone proud, he wanted this independence and freedom but he didn't know what it could cost him. And that scared him and Sicheng could tell. Sicheng didn’t bring up the email again, instead he climbed up onto the bed after Renjun had relaxed a little after some time to get his thoughts straight. Sicheng dug around his bedside shelving, his long fingers tugged a notebook out from the bottom of a stack of things, passing it over to renjun with a pen.

_write. explain._

So Renjun did, he tried explaining as best he could. He tried explaining about his worries about his capabilities, his course, his disability. He wrote about what he was excited about, what he wanted to gain, what he was hopeful about. Sicheng read it as he wrote, his chin resting on Renjuns shoulder. Once Renjun placed the pen down, he shook his brothers head off him and looked him face on. Sicheng displayed a lot of emotions on his face if you knew where to look. The way he bit down on his lip, the furrow between his brows, the way he squinted his eyes slightly closed in concentration. Renjun could read all of what they meant. Sicheng slid the notebook to his own lap and grabbed the pen. He only wrote one short sentence,

 

**Don’t let fear take good things from you**

 

 

Two days later Renjun was sat at the train station in the car with Sicheng and his mother, his brothers train left in quarter of an hour and they were saying their goodbyes. Renjun knew they would see each other again in a few weeks, Sicheng had told him to stay at his apartment overnight so they could get dinner. Chenle would be there too that much had been decided in the group chat. Chenle has also revealed that he and Jisung had decided to date, after Chenle had admitted to liking the younger boy, which came as a shock to no one but Jisung himself. Renjun was happy for them, and he was looking forward to seeing Jaehyun his brothers boyfriend again but still, that dreaded meeting was there.

Sicheng reached back to ruffle Renjuns hair before getting out of the car, knowing it would annoy him, their mother laughed in the driver's seat as Renjun climbed over the middle console glaring at his brothers retreating figure. They waved to Sicheng just before he disappeared through the doors. When they got home Chenle was there, laying across the whole sofa as if he lived there, Jisung had also returned to seoul as he wanted to practise his dancing before the school year started back up. Renjun detoured into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water and a pack of seaweed chips before dropping as ungracefully and heavily as he could onto Chenles stomach, kicking his legs up onto the small table that sat in the center of the room and ignoring his cousins attempts to push him off. It was then that he decided, perhaps he had to go to university, he’d miss Chenle too much if he went off and left Renjun behind. He already missed Sicheng enough when he wasn't visiting home, he wasn't sure if he would be able to stand missing both him and Chenle.

So, the only solution was to follow them both and face his fears.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always  
> 1) Italics refer to Sign language being used. Standard format means vocalised speech  
> 2) if there are any mistake i promise you, i will fix them but i can not take looking at any more words right now. so please ignore them (& sorry)  
> 3) this is an adaptation of a twitter au if you're interested you can find it at @/afterreality
> 
>  
> 
> (and yes this is kind of a filler chapter because i accidentally deleted the original one last night and this was kinda like half of it?? my bad)

Admittedly Renjun hesitated on almost all of the decisions he had to make after spontaneously setting his mind on going back to university. Even stood in the stationary store, he paused on what notebooks to buy, what colour sheets to get… how many paint pallets to pack. With Sicheng back at home and Chenle getting ready to leave in a few days Renjun was left mostly to himself. Until Tuesday…

Tuesday meant hospital.

Renjuns mother met him in the driveway dressed in a pants suit which was to say she was dressed very unlike his mother. Once they arrived at the hospital instead of driving up to the visitors car park, she pulled over at the entrance and briefly explained she had somewhere to be so she couldn’t go with him to his appointment. Which was also very unlike her, it would be the first she had missed… ever. Renjun only shrugged though before jumping out of the car, raising a hand in departure and walked inside the large white building. Entering the reception he pulled his phone out of his pocket the time reading 14:46 which meant he had just enough time to wander down to the food court, buy a drink and still get to the correct department in time. Despite how pointless all the hospital appointments were, they all knew his hearing was very much absent, he tried to handle each one with a good attitude even if it was a waste of his time. At least this one had use though he mused as he weaved his way through the long sterile corridors. He was here to get recent confirmation to hand in to the university to be allowed his interpreter in his classes. Although, why they needed forms filled in within three months of his start date beat him when he hadn’t ever had hearing to start with. Seemed like a long time to fake deafness if you asked him but rules were rules he supposed. Renjun had been seeing the same doctor for three years, a middle aged man who had an insanely shiny forehead. When he arrived at the reception area to sign in he recognised all the nurses behind the desk and they him.

Truthly Renjun hated hospitals despite spending a fair amount of time in them. There was just something so off putting about them, it was like the world outside and the world inside the hospital ran on two different times. While people rushed about outside the people inside sat in the cheap plastic seats were stuck waiting for time to hurry. Then of course after waiting ages past the scheduled appointment time the actual appointment itself rushed by. Renjun had been correct, his hearing still in fact did not work but he at least had his forms filled out. Unsurprisingly when he walked out of the examination room, his mother was stood at the reception desk talking to the nurses. Renjun stood waiting for them to stop talking, leaning his chin against his shoulder to look out the window. Yep, the world was still rushing by.

On the car ride home, Renjun went over the checklist of things he still needed to buy before he moved to the dorms, he had the majority of what would be considered essential items but there were still a few minor things he needed to get. Although perhaps he could do without a anti-bac toothbrush case but he didn't trust the hygiene level of his would be dorm mate. He was startled from his inner debate over candles or string lights by his mother tapping his arm, she’d pulled over outside a restaurant they always got take out from. They were known for their fried chicken and honestly Renjun was not going to argue if his mother was getting that for dinner. His mother quickly asked what sides he wanted before jumping out of the car to go order.

By the time they got home his father was already sitting at the breakfast bar on his laptop no doubt finishing up work he hadn’t completed prior. Renjun smiled in his direction before swiftly bounding up the stairs to his room, bag of food hanging from his fingers. Usually his mother had a strict eating with the family rule, something she had implemented when Sicheng still lived at home but thanks to Renjuns mood swings. A way to force him out of his room… with love she’d said. However tonight she let him slip off without argument which was very fitting for his mothers strange behaviour that day. He settled down on the small settee in his room, dragging his table across the floor so he could sit and eat. He slid his phone out of his pocket to see why it had been vibrating incessantly for the past few minutes. No surprise to see it was the group chat he shared with Chenle and Sicheng.

Sicheng:

is renjun helping with the move at the weekend?

Chenle:

yes

Sicheng:

have you asked?

Chenle:

Of course

are you coming?

and if you are, can you grab Jisung?

Sicheng:

What if I said no?

Chenle:

I’ll send you his address xoxo

                                                                         Renjun:

                 last i knew you hadn't asked

                                                                 

Chenle:

It’s not up for argument

plus you’ll get to see sicheng

Sicheng:

and Yukhei… he’s been asking if you're going to visit ever since he met you last time.

he even learned some sign ‘for little huang, he insists it's a must’

his words, not mine.

                                                                Renjun:

                   Oh, well for yukhei i’ll come help

Chenle:

🥴

Sicheng:

Well…

                                                               Renjun:

hey,,, what's your opinion on

anti-bad toothbrush cases? 

Chenle:

on WHAT now

Sicheng:

𝐹𝒶𝓃𝒸𝓎

but also useful?                                                                      Renjun:

                                   okay that settles that

Chenle:

what

it settles NOTHING?

 

Renjun threw his phone down beside him, it didn't stop buzzing but his show has finally loaded up on his laptop and well… he could only read one set of text at once.

The next morning, or afternoon, it didn't really matter, Renjun awoke to an empty house. His mother left a note on the counter saying she'd gone out for lunch with some friends and of course his father had gone to work. He contemplated calling Chenle over for company but considering he only had two days left before he moved, he didn't really want to call him over just to keep him company. So he decided to sort some of his own moving boxes to keep himself busy, only once he actually sat down with an empty box in front of him he couldn't get himself to place anything in it. It shouldn't be difficult he’d made lists, organised some of his art supplies into take and leave piles… but there he sat staring down into an empty box suddenly doubting all of his choices thus far. He felt his pulse speed up the longer he stared so he stood on shaky legs and wobbled his way back up to his bed. Burying his face into one pillow and clutching his phone to his chest he felt hot tears prick at eyes, he was being stupid it should not be this hard. He’d decided to go. He’d decided that this was what he wanted so why was he making it so difficult for himself. It was what he wanted wasn't it.  After he’d replied to the email the thought of more independence and freedom had seemed alluring. The thought of moving out terrified him but he got himself excited at the thought of having his own space. But now he felt small and helpless because god he couldn’t even pack one single box. Anger overcame him at his back and forth thoughts on the whole situation. Anger that he was honest to god crying into a pillow over a moving box. Anger that he couldn't make his mind up.

So, moved by Anger he jumped up and grabbed the nearest box and began blindly ripping clothes off the nearest railing to him and threw them into the box. He’d emptied two of the railings before he fell to his knees and looked over the mess he’d made. Hangers sat scattered around him and clothes sat in a mess overflowing over the sides of the box. This wouldn't do either. He sighed as he forced his body to relax with a breathing exercise his counsellor had taught him at some point, but it was with weary resignation that he began taking the clothes back out. It took him the better part of an hour to organise them all back to how he liked it and at the end all he had was a low mood and still empty boxes sitting by his feet. Renjun debated between climbing back into bed or going for a walk and the latter won. He didn't bother changing out of his lounge clothes or taking a shower before leaving. The beach was quieter than the last time when he arrived, only a few dog walkers and a group of mothers with babies occupied it. Summer season was truly coming to a end. He toed off his converse and rolled up the bottom of his sweatpants before waking slowly towards where the water rolled across the sand his shoes hanging from his fingers, dropping them onto the ground just out of the waters reach.

The water was cold when it hit his ankles, which was hardly surprising and he stood staring out across the water despite it. It was a strange thing, people talked about the crash of waves but to him the water was calming and peaceful. He turned his head to look a little up the shore to where one of the mothers was stood with a young boy paddling in the water, he could see the way the boy was smiling as the spray hit him. Renjun wondered if he had been so happy the first time he’d seen the sea. The longer he stood there the colder he grew, rubbing his hands up and down his arms feeling goosebumps growing. Slowly and reluctantly he made his way further up the beach, dropping to sit about halfway up a small dune. He fiddled with his phone in his hands, so tempted to message his brother about his outburst earlier but torn about bothering him. Renjun knew he shouldn't just sit on what had happened but the fact he’d let himself get so worked up over practically nothing bothered him.

Why had it bothered him so much, it was only a simple task. Something he'd been prepared for or so he thought. Maybe it was the hospital appointment the day before, maybe it was the fact Chenle would be gone soon, maybe it was the way he'd miss the beach and his parents or maybe it was just because he wasn’t ready no matter how many times he told himself otherwise. On one hand he felt ready to give it all a go again but on the other… was the unknown. He’d signed up for a roommate this time in a bid to get himself to get to know more people but what if they weren't understanding of his deafness. What if their personalities clashed and they hated each other. Quite frankly he needed to make his mind up because if he kept throwing temper tantrums every time he was faced with making a decision his roommate would certainly get frustrated with him.

Renjun made his way home after the sun had started getting low and the air a little chillier, the lights were on in the house when he made it back. Neither of his parents were in either the kitchen or the front room when he walked in looking for something to satisfy his hunger but a bowl sat on the counter with a sticky note with his name on it stuck to its side. It was in the microwave heating up when he felt his phone buzz from his pocket, he jumped up onto the breakfast bar and checked the notification.

Yukhei:

lil huang

you're coming up this week right?

Renjun smiled seeing the sender, he’d run into Yukhei when he’d been visiting Sicheng a while back and the older boy had instantly decided to befriend him. Renjun had been unsure of him at first with his large presence but Yukehi was nothing but persistent and renjun had warmed up to him. Now, he was confident he was able to call Yukhei a friend and they often messaged back and forth. Renjun couldn't help but laugh nearly every time they spoke.

                                                                       

Renjun:

I was considering it

Yukhei:

so that's a yes

let's get a coffee or something

                        Renjun:

I’ll consider it

  
Yukhei:

I'll pay

Renjun:

Oh well in that case 

I’ll be there at 1pm roughly

& I have no reservations about not actually helping Chenle

             

Yukhei:

🤩🤩🤩

it’s a date.

 

Renjun bid goodbye to Yukhei before his food got too cold and headed upstairs. He poked his head into his parents' room where the light was on, he found them both lying on the bed watching their tv. His mother looked up at him from where she was reclined against his fathers chest.

 

_you okay? You were gone all day._

Renjun had to put his food down to reply to her but she waited for his reply patiently.

_I’m fine just had to clear my head._

She nodded in understanding and didn't try to stop him when he bent back down to retrieve his food and close the door behind him. When he got to his room he kicked the empty box he’d left in the middle of the room out of his way and climbed up onto his bed. To hell with packing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always  
> 1) Italics refer to Sign language being used. Standard format means vocalised speech  
> 2) if there are any mistake i promise you, i will fix them but i can not take looking at any more words right now. so please ignore them (& sorry)  
> 3) this is an adaptation of a twitter au if you're interested you can find it at @/afterreality
> 
> (also leave a comment if you want cause i like reading feedback)

Friday morning found Renjun being shoved into the back of his aunts car squeezed between the door and a bunch of Chenles moving box while the younger boy snoozed in the front seat with his seat reclined back and feet kicked up on the dashboard. Chenles father was busy with work so it was only the three of them driving up to seoul which meant Renjun had very little argument against going. The drive was uneventful so much so Chenle didn't wake up until they pulled up behind Jaehyuns car parked outside a tall apartment building. Renjun watched from the window as his brother exited the building shortly followed by Jisung, the pair were deep in discussion and barely noticed their car sitting there until they were almost standing right beside it. Chenle jumped out the car dragging Jisung back into the building, to go see their dorm Renjun assumed, barely sparing a glance at Sicheng on his way past. Renjun grinned at his brother as he made his way around the car before the shared a quick hug, their aunt joining them briefly to also give Sicheng a hug before grabbing a box from the back of the car and heading into the building also. They stood on the path deliberately trying to hide from helping carry up the boxes. Their bubble burst when Jaehyun appeared behind Sichengs back startling him as he wrapped his arms around his waist. Sicheng and Jaehyun had met their second year of university through mutual friends and had become one of those annoyingly powerful couples. At first it had fed into Renjuns jealousy, seeing his brother in this amazing relationship but truly Renjun loved seeing his brother so happy. 

Begrudgingly Renjun grabbed a box from the car following Jaehyun and Sicheng into the building. It wasn't much to look at just a modern plain foyer, the trio stood by the elevators Renjun watched as the numbers went down floor by floor. When the doors opened Renjun dropped his eyes down stepping behind Sicheng to let the occupants out. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jaehyun smile at one of them and another say something to his brother, the doors began sliding closed while the group stood there so Renjun slipped around Sicheng and the boy he was talking to and into the elevator. The problem there was that he didn't know what floor he was supposed to be going to, so he placed the box by his feet and held one finger against the button to keep the doors open before kicking the side of the elevator to get Sichengs attention. When his brother looked over to him, along with the rest of the group unfortunately, he pointed with his free hand in the direction of the buttons. Sicheng got the idea and held up four fingers before turning back to his conversation but Renjun could feel eyes still watching them so he looked up, catching the eyes of the boy Jaehyun had been speaking with just before the doors closed shut between them. 

Renjun slowly walked down the corridor looking for the correct door out of the few that were propped open trying to be as discreet as possible. Finding Chenles dorm around halfway down after his cousin stuck his head out waving him over. Renjun followed him in, looking around the moderately sized living room. There were two doors to the right, that he could see the ends of single beds in and a kitchen joined to the room to his left. Jisung was kneeling on the floor next to yet another boy pulling cables out of a box but looked up at Renjuns arrival with a smile. The boy who was next to him looked up but before he could say anything Chenle pulled Renjun by the arm over to the tiny kitchen, he placed the box down on the counter as Chenle handed him a mug of water. Chenle looked over his shoulder at the other boys before turning back to Renjun.

_ That's jeno, he’s one of Jisungs friends. There's also Jaemin and Donghyuck.  _ Renjun couldn't help but smile as Chenle had to spell the names out letter by letter but nodded in understanding.  _ They're nice… promise. _

Renjun shrugged, he didn't really have anything to say to that so he just picked up his previously discarded box and held it up waiting for directions. Once Chenle had pointed towards one of the bedrooms and returned to whatever task he’d been in charge of before his arrival he set to unpacking. Chenles room was already a mess so Renjun made space on the floor so he could kneel down and get to work, inside he found mostly clothes but underneath were a few textbooks and desk supplies. Renjuns back was towards the door so he wasn't aware the group he’d left by the elevators had come up until someone walked around where he was sat cross legged on the floor. It was the boy he’d seen talking to Jaehyun downstairs, he didn't know whether it was Jaemin or Donghyuck but whichever one it was gave him a bright smile before carelessly dropping the two boxes he was holding onto the unmade bed. Renjun gave a small smile before turning to look down at his hands again, he fiddled with the material of a shirt debating whether he should say something to the other boy but before he could make his mind up he the other walked around him and back out of the room. The group continued the cycle of going back and forth between the dorm and car until all the boxes were placed haphazardly around the place, he didn't speak to any of Jisungs friends not to be unfriendly but just because everyone was busy. That's not to say he didn't deliberately avoid being left alone with any of them again. Renjun was placing food into the fridge when his phone went off on the counter beside him, the flashing light demanding his attention. Flipping it over to check the notification he smiled seeing a message from Yukhei across the screen providing him with escape from any more unpacking. 

Renjun quickly explained to Sicheng where he was going before sneaking out of the dorm before Chenle could notice him abandoning the moving mission. Yukhei was waiting outside the lobby when Renjun arrived at the ground floor, once Yukhei saw Renjun jogging towards him he swept him up off the ground squeezing him tightly to him in a hug and Renjun felt himself laugh at his taller friends antics. The duo headed down the pathway towards where more of the cafes and restaurants were located, Renjun having to follow Yukheis quick steps. The conversation flowed easily between them, Yukhei telling a story about his roommate having to once again sneak their kitten out of their dorm building and while Yukhei made some mistakes in his signing Renjun got the jist of the story laughing at the misfortune of the roommate. They arrived outside a small cafe, a large crescent moon hung above the doorway and inside Renjun could see sleep monochrome interior with touches of colour in the artwork hanging on the walls and on the mismatched seat cushions. The place was quiet so when they stood by the counter they were greeted by a guy who didn't look much older than them and he and Yukhei were obviously well acquainted by the way they interacted. Renjun looked up to the menu letting his eyes scan across the drinks list before lowering them and peering into the food display. There were rows of cakes and brownies and biscuits that all looked equally as delicious as the one prior to it, he ran his finger along the bottom of the glass as he walked slowly from one end of the display to the other, tapping it by a lemon and white chocolate cake that had caught his eye for the pretty presentation on it. Yukhei was watching him when he looked away with a grin before gesturing towards the cashier who was watching him with amusement. He broke eye contact with him to tell Yukhei his order and watched as he passed the message along verbally. The cashier at least tried to hide the curious glance Renjuns way when he’d had to make his order in sign. 

 

Yukhei led him to a table near the windows while they waited for their order to be brought over. Before he could even taste the cake, Renjuns phone flashed on the table, looking at the screen he snorted at the notification sitting on the screen.

 

Chenle

betrayed

Yukhei over me huh. 

Renjun quickly typed out a reply confirming that yes, he had chosen Yukhei over Chenle and quickly received one back containing only of broken heart emojis. Then before he could put the phone back down another incoming message popped up,

Chenle

Mum says be back by four for the drive back

It was a quarter past two already which meant he didn't really have as much time spare as he had hoped. Yukhei only smiled when Renjun showed him the message and shrugged, before swiping the phone out of Renjuns hands. Renjun raises his eyebrows as he watched Yukhei type something before handing it back, the screen open on the group chat messages, rolling his eyes at a reply under his own name reading ‘I'll have him back by curfew.’ 

The pair spent at least half an hour in the cafe, at times Yukhei had to type out a question or a reply apologising for his level of knowledge when it came to sign language but truthfully the fact he’d even bothered to learn any after meeting Renjun only once before in person had made him feel all soft inside. Yukhei was someone that was loud both in personality and appearance, tall and muscular and… good looking with a large smile and a large presence. Someone you couldn't help but look at, but it was how kind he was that always surprised Renjun. It was how he’d become so comfortable with the older boy that the thought of just the two of them hanging out together without either Sicheng or Chenle to translate didn't phase Renjun in the slightest. After finishing their drinks, Yukhei stayed true to his promise and paid before leading Renjun further up the street. They walked for about twenty minutes before arriving outside a nondescript building, Yukhei hadn't said anything about where he was leading him but Renjun followed him to the stairwell. However, he was beginning to question his trust in Yukhei when they passed a sign saying 6th floor and continued up the winding staircase.

Eventually they reached a door labelled with ‘park’ that made little sense considering they were most certainly at the top of a building but when Yukhei pushed the door open Renjun felt his eyes widen. Outside the entire surface of the roof was covered in grass, fake but grass nonetheless, trees and plants stood in pots with deck chairs with blankets hung over the back of them and a small bench scattered in between. String lights wrapped around the trees with multicoloured bulbs and there was even a small bird bath in the corner. Renjun turned in a circle once he stepped out into it completely struck by the little ‘park’ while Yukhei stood in the doorway watching him. It was ridiculous that this place existed at the top of a boring practically unoccupied building but Renjun was a little in love with it. After a few minutes of watching him Yukhei walked over to two chairs that sat next to a vibrant purple plant dropping down to one so hard the legs closed in a little. Renjun has to drag his eyes away from the sight of the city that could be seen from the edge before making his way to the vacant chair beside his friend. They talked about the summer, Renjuns art classes, films they’d both watched recently before the topic of university came up. Yukhei asked if he was returning to school this year and when Renjun mentioned his admissions meeting he cheered… loudly… by the looks of it. He quickly explained that he wouldn't be moving until slightly later as his course didn't start until early october unlike Chenles that started mid september but that he had at least plans to come back. Yukhei too excited to remember any of his learned sign quickly pulled out his phone, typing up a message and handing it over. 

**when you’re back you have to meet all of the group and let us show you all the cool places to go. and if you don't… then I'll have my heart broken and i’ll never forgive you.**

Renjun laughed before nodding and giving a okay, he didn't know what or who exactly ‘all of the group’ was referring to but he knew that Yukhei was friends with Sicheng and generally speaking the both of them were good at telling who were good people. 

The time to leave came all too soon but Renjuns stomach hurt from laughing so much when it did. Yukhei led the way back to Chenles building, explaining that he lived just a few roads down from it so it was on his way back anyway. They shared another hug outside before parting ways, Renjun promising to message Yukhei at some point before his meeting before entering the building. Once he got to Chenles floor he faced a problem, all the doors were shut and he hadn't bothered to take note of the door number before he left. He knew it was about half way down but how far down he wasn’t sure, it's been easier when the door was open with people coming and going. He stood by the elevator contemplating whether or not to just wait for his aunt downstairs or to message someone for the number, when a door opened and the boy from earlier stepped out into the corridor. Renjun started towards where the other one stood speaking to someone on the other side of the doorway. He still wasn't sure which one he was exactly so when he turned towards Renjun ready to walk out, Renjun offered him a small smile and stepped to the side as they passed each other. When he reached Chenles door he looked briefly over his shoulder holding in a laugh when he caught the other boy walking backwards and watching him. Renjun hated to admit it but whoever he was, had a pretty smile and wide eyes that reflected the lights over their heads. The other boy held up a hand before pointing to his chest, Renjun couldn’t hear him but he could tell the difference between the way Jaemin and Donghyuck looked on someone's lips. 

 

Donghyuck, the boys name was Donghyuck. 

  
  
  


Renjun was exhausted by the time he arrived home hours later, his parents had left him dinner out again but he left it sitting on the counter making his way up to his room instead. Laying on his bed he found himself thinking of Donghyuck even though he hadn't spoken to the boy even once Renjun imaged what sort of person he was. He’d been wearing ripped jeans and a printed shirt tucked in that had become half untucked by the time they’d passed each other in the corridor. Renjun had seen him laughing with Sicheng in the kitchen and making puppy dog eyes at Jisung in the lounge. He’d smiled at Renjun each time they’d bumped into each other and he’d talked animatedly with Chenles mother in the doorway to Jisungs room. Renjun bet he was someone who once they got talking was hard to make quiet. But also he thought about the way he’d thought Donghyuck was handsome, he was soft in some features but masculine in others. He had pouty lips but a strong jawline and broad shoulders. He was taller than Renjun, like most people were but not as tall as Sicheng or Jaehyun. He had long hair that fell into his eyes and long fingers that he constantly ran through it. Honestly, it was surprising how much Renjun had noticed but watching people was something he was pretty good at. Although to be fair to Jisungs other friends they were both pretty good looking with bright smiles and good figures too but yet he hadn’t found himself watching them half as much. When he found himself struggling to stay awake any longer though, all thoughts of the other boy had been pushed to the back of his head. Instead he found himself remembering the park and cake from earlier that day as his eyes slid shut. And by the morning, Renjun had moved on from thinking about him at all, his mind completely focused on the sketchbooks he’d laid out in front of him after he’d found himself coming up with a new shirt design over his breakfast. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always  
> 1) Italics refer to Sign language being used. Standard format means vocalised speech
> 
> 2) if there are any mistakes, i will go back & fix them at some point but its like 4:30am and i think i’m past understanding basic english at this point
> 
> 3) this is an adaptation of a twitter au if you're interested you can find it at @/afterreality 
> 
> also we’re so close to actual donghyuck involvement in this au, i promise u he does actually become a huge part of the story (if you’ve read the au you know just how close we are to the rest of the dream boys coming in)

It was quiet, which admittedly it was always quiet for Renjun but it was too quiet. Renjuns mother had started spending almost every day out of the house and of course his father was at work. Along with both Sicheng and Chenle being gone it had left Renjun to find ways to pass his time and he had very little motivation towards anything even related to his art. He didn't have any motivation to complete his packing either which really left him wandering around the house. He’d spent half his day already sleeping in bed and it was no surprise when he finally made his way downstairs to find a note on the counter saying his mother had to go out but would be back for dinner. Renjun still had very little idea as to what she had been during her trips out and she had been very hush hush on her business but Renjun had noticed her notebooks dotted around the house more frequently so he suspected she was in the final stages of bringing out a new book. Or perhaps she was living a secret life or something. 

He was laying across the sofa watching a drama on the tv, legs kicked over the arm on the sofa swinging back and forth in the sunlight that was coming through the back door. His shirt had ridden up on his torso and he could feel the warmth from the sunlight against his stomach, he wanted to hold onto that feeling before the cold came with winter. He was in a strange limbo of both bored and relaxed, not wanting to move but wanting to do something when his mother walked in. So when he saw her reflection in the Television screen he sat up twisting in the seat to watch her. His mother moved with a grace and familiarity that came from spending years in the kitchen, placing her handbag down as she was turning to face the refrigerator, stepping down the small difference in floor levels Renjun frequently tripped on. She had her hair up in a ponytail, a short strand loose at the nape of her neck from where she’d missed it, but he watched as it swayed with her movements. When she turned and saw him watching she smiled before coming over, placing her hands either side of his face looking down at him.

“Good day?” oh how we wondered how she sounded, was she tired from how often she seemed to be out? was her voice high or not? did it have the same airy feeling her personality gave her? He nodded to her question, letting her look over his face. He didn't know what she was looking for as her eyes scanned all of his features but she seemed satisfied with a small dip of her chin before letting him go, he rose from the sofa and followed her to the kitchen. Renjun pointed to his chest just below his collar bone, sweeping his hand across to do the same on the other side before dropping his right palm up & tapping his left to his palm and turning it. She beamed at him before telling him to wait and hurrying upstairs. He was stood flicking through one her notebooks discarded on the counter when she returned changed out of her more formal outfit, wrapping an apron around herself before handing him the yellow one she had bought for him a few years back. They hadn't cooked together in a while but he was used to following her instructions, they bumped hips and elbows as they worked around each other, flour dusting both them and their workspaces. Her cooking style was messy and Renjun has inherited from her after spending years sat in the same kitchen watching her work away. When he was younger he used to whine till she would let him taste test and almost every step, now he just snuck pieces of fruit into his mouth. She whacked his hand away from the bowl of mixture before he could dip his finger into it, he smiled sheepishly at her even though his hand strayed towards the bowl again. It took roughly half hour before everything was in the oven baking away, they stood side by side hip to hip sipping cups of tea while they waited. Renjuns restlessness had been satisfied and he was happy he'd spent some time just him and his mother knowing he was leaving soon.

His meeting had been scheduled for the following week which meant it was only so long before he wouldn't get to eat his mother's cooking each day, wouldn't get to bake randomly with her just because they felt like it. There wasn't any point in pretending he wouldn't miss it, looking around the kitchen. The childhood pictures that had faded from sun exposure stuck the front of the refrigerator, the one cracked tile next to the microwave that had broken thanks to Sicheng and a champagne cork. The stacks of cook books that blocked the cupboard with the good glasses in so that no one ever used them. The god forsaken dip in the flooring that tripped him and his father's hidden snacks that were the worst kept secret. He’d miss the mismatch paint because he and Sicheng had argued over what colour to paint it so it’d ended up half orange half blue. He’d miss the likely promise of some baked goods being left on the counter from his mother at any given time and the fruit basket always being stocked with fresh fruit from the garden. God he’d even miss accidentally sitting on the bar stool that was broken and always tilted dangerously to the left. He’d grown up in this kitchen, hell there were photos of him sitting by his mother's feet with crayons while she cooked stuck on the fridge. Perhaps he would miss this room the most. 

Renjun was once again laying across the sofa when his father returned, his mother curled up in the armchair watching a show that he had failed to follow. His father took one look at the pair and their surroundings before shaking his head. All around them sat wrappers and in the middle of the mess, the cake they'd baked earlier with a good portion of it missing. His mother had cooked dinner, just a selection of simple foods but they’d both eaten so much both Renjun and her plates sat covered in the refrigerator. Renjuns father sat at the counter to eat, laptop open beside him before joining them and forcing Renjun to move his legs from the other side of the sofa. He could see his parents talking beside him, likely about their day and recent news. It was all so mundane he didn't join them but it did leave him feeling content. He hadn't had a bad day, everyone was finally home and the house felt a little less lonely and quiet.  
  


It had been nearly a week since Chenle left and the novelty of not having him appearing in Renjuns day as he pleased had worn off. There had barely ever been a time in Renjuns life where either Sicheng or Renjun hadn't been present so now he was bored. In response to this he’d locked himself away in his studio and had been working on some new customised clothing pieces, his parents were still mostly out which meant he was mostly undisturbed. Already he was on his second item of the day. The first had been a simple design on a shirt but now he was outlining a larger piece on the back of an old black denim jacket he’d found at one of the street markets. It had a tear in the sleeve about an inch above the elbow that he hadn't decided whether to patch up yet but he’d seen it sitting in the pile of clothing he had from his most recent market visit and had been stuck with an idea. He was drawing the constellations out which on its own was fairly simple but he wanted it to be positioned correctly. He’d found some patches that he figured he could iron onto the front or on to the arms that fit the small space theme he’d chosen and they sat on the ground by his knee waiting to be positioned. If he ended up not liking it it wasn't a great loss with the price the jacket had cost him so he allowed himself a little more freedom to play around with colours, adding some yellows and oranges for the larger stars. At some point he found himself sewing the lines between them instead of painting them on and adding little swirls of dark blues and purples in the background. When he tapped his phone screen to check the time he felt his eyes widen, it's been nearly five hours and his mother should've arrived home by now. Standing and working out the stiffness in his limbs he limped down the stairs on half numb legs, sure enough his mother was in the kitchen talking on her phone. Noticing Renjun standing in the doorway she leaned over and pulled a sticky pad off a pile and scribbled something onto it before motioning for him to read it. His feet hurt with pins and needles as he stepped forward, holding onto the wall for balance. In her small cursive handwriting she's written  **the jacket looks beautiful but have you eaten?** for the second time in less than five minutes his eyes widened. He’d had absolutely no idea she’d even opened the door to his studio much less seen what he was working on. Instead of replying he side stepped around her to get to the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water and some vegetables. He knew there was some ramen in one of the cupboards from a visit Sicheng had made a few before his last so he got to making a pot of the instant noodles even as his mother eyed it with disdain over his shoulder. 

 

It was the day before Renjun had to go up to Seoul his meeting with the admissions office, his mother had actually stayed at home today and when Renjun came downstairs in the morning she was sat at the counter swinging her keys around her finger. As Renjun sat down beside her to eat his breakfast she turned to face him tucking one leg under the other, he rested his cheek against his palm tilting his face towards her. Her smile was so wide she had a deep dimple in her cheek, he waited for her to break and tell him what had gotten her so excited so early in the morning and it didn't take long, no more than a minute. 

_ Let's go shopping _

Renjun shrugged, he enjoyed shopping but he’d been around all the good stores in town a bunch of times recently, but he was grinning at what she said next  _ let's go to seoul. _ It explained why she’d told her to get up earlier today the night before but he’d assumed it was just so they could do something locally. His mother pushed her phone over to him pointing to the page she’d loaded up, it was an email confirming a hotel booking for that night in Seoul Renjuns grin rivalling his mothers one when he looked back up at her. 

After he’d all but inhaled his breakfast and ran upstairs to change Renjun waited by the front door hanging from his hand was an overnight bag with clothes for his meeting and some sleepwear hastily thrown in. He was messaging the group chat he, Sicheng and Chenle had telling them about his earlier arrival that anticipated when his mother joined him a similar bag in her own hands. The journey up was mostly uneventful and Renjun spent most of it scrolling through social media or messaging back and forth in the chat but towards the end of the four hour long journey Renjun was getting impatient. The hotel they pulled up to was super fancy and Renjun couldn’t help but look up around in awe while they checked in. The moment he saw the beds he dropped face first onto the one furthest from the door his body bouncing on impact. The drive up had made him feel sleepy making it almost too tempting to just take a nap and he was just barely holding on to consciousness when his mother woke him by slapping him on the butt. Reluctantly he dragged himself up into a seated position rubbing at his eyes with the palm of his hands, as appealing as shopping had seemed earlier his impromptu nap had been just that little too tempting.

Renjun was looking through a row of shirts about an hour later when he felt a presence at his side, somebody was standing right beside him, before he could even step away from the person a hand reached out and pulled the shirt he’d been looking at out of his fingers and down the rail. He spun in shock to face them coming face to face  - well more like face to neck- with Sicheng who was of course giggling at his younger brothers reaction. Renjun deflated yet punched his brother in the arm, Sicheng rubbed at it before pulling the shirt Renjun had been looking at off the railing eyeing it up before nodding and walking off with it hooked over his finger. Renjun completely baffled by his brothers behaviour just followed behind him as they weaved through the rest of the store, both stopping occasionally to inspect a garment. Together they walked to the changing rooms hands full of items, taking side by side booths. Renjun stood hesitating to try things on when the shirt from earlier was suddenly shoved through the curtain breaking his train of thought.

Renjun loved shopping, he loved clothes but his earlier tiredness had left him feeling a little rubbed raw and he was hesitating to change. He had two options, one) he could face the mirror but that meant seeing his body in the mirror was completely unavoidable or two) face the curtain that really held little security and if someone was to open it or even just glance in its direction the gap at the side where the curtain was just that too short well… he wasn't too fond of that. He tugged at the bottom of his sweater debating just not trying the clothes on and gauging their sizes by holding them up to his body instead. This morning when his mother had proposed the shopping trip this situation hadn't even crossed his mind, he’d been in a good headspace recently and he hadn't anticipated anything changing that. But a tired Renjun was always a mildly unpredictable one. He was just on the verge of giving up the idea of buying new clothes entirely when Sichengs arm appeared with that shirt, completely derailing his plan of saying he didn't like anything thus avoiding trying them on but Sicheng would want to see him in this shirt at least. With his eyes closed Renjun spun to face the mirror and quickly tugged his sweater over his head, he was making himself blind incase Sicheng opened the curtain to see what was taking so long sure but he was also not having to look in a body length mirror. Trying to do buttons up without his eyesight however proved to be more challenging than he thought because when he opened his eyes and look down he’d missed three entirely. He was in the process of having to unbutton the whole shirt when Sicheng stepped into the booth. Renjun knew he could tell what happened from the from on Renjuns face and the lopsided shirt because long fingers gently took over for him quickly undoing the rest of them and just as quickly buttoning them back up. Renjun hadn't even noticed his hands shaking till Sicheng slipped one of his around Renjuns smaller one giving it a squeeze. Sicheng held Renjun so he had his back to the mirror before stepping back slightly, inspecting the shirt but never letting go of Renjuns hand until he gave his opinion. 

_ I like it.  _

They continued like this with each item, Sicheng would step out and back to his own booth to let Renjun change before returning to straighten out any mistakes he’d made with his eyes closed before taking that one step back and giving his honest opinion. Sicheng had rejected two tops as soon as he saw them on the hangers and a further two once Renjun had them on. Five items in total he liked and a further two he had decided Renjun simply had to buy them, no arguments allowed. The process had made their trip to the changing rooms probably twice as long as necessary but Renjun was so so thankful that Sicheng had helped him. 

After shopping they stopped for dinner, Renjun attempted to just pick at his food still feeling a bit off from the situation earlier but Sicheng kept catching his eye over the table and gently encouraging him to eat more without drawing their mothers attention to him. Renjun was hesitant and he still didnt early nearly half as much as Sicheng did but his brother looked at least somewhat satisfied with the amount by the end of the meal. The trio walked back to the hotel through an upscale area, the brothers either side of their mother with her arms linked with one of each of theirs. Renjun expected Sicheng to leave once they got back but instead he followed Renjun over to his bed and sat down on the end of it watching while he unpacked the clothes he’d brought to sleep in. Their mother excused herself to go call their dad leaving them in the room alone. Renjun could sense a conversation coming so in an attempt to delay it just a little bit he scooped his clothes up and shuffled off to the bathroom to change. Over the years Renjun had gotten used to changing in front of Sicheng, they’d grown up together so it wasn’t exactly a big deal so the fact he’d gone to the bathroom instead of just changing out for the night in the bedroom was kind of like putting a sign on his back that read ‘I don't feel so good’ but it was only after he’d locked the door he realised his mistake. 

Of course Sicheng was still sat on the bed when he came back out and at the noise of the door opening he looked up from his phone with a sad look. Renjun climbed onto the other end of the bed, hugging his knees against his chest and resting his chin on top of them. He sat still as Sicheng looked him over, let his brother check to see if he’d lost weight again (he hadn't) before deeming his inspection over. Sicheng tilted his head and Renjun thought he might just drop whatever he’d wanted to say but of course it wouldn’t be that easy. 

_ you want to talk about it?  _

Renjun shook his head, there wasn’t really anything to talk about. His emotions had simply been off slightly thanks to tiredness and he’d let it get to him. He wasn’t having problems again but it’s not like things like that just magically disappeared from your life. He hadn’t ever really explained to Sicheng how his insecurities and doubts were like a constant battle to push down, that they were born from things he couldn’t change but he knew his brother understood anyway. Sicheng knew Renjun was a fighter but he also understood that there were occasionally times where he slipped into old thoughts and habits. The important thing was that they both knew he would come out the other side okay. Even if it took a few hours or a few months, Sicheng would always be there supporting him and Renjun would always keep going.

Sicheng didn't push him to talk allowing Renjun to slide down under the comforter instead. He moved over to the side when Sicheng crawled up the bed and pushed his was into the small space between Renjun and the end of the bed. Sicheng put a movie on but it didn't have a subtitles option so Renjun closed his eyes, feeling the warmth coming from Sichengs secure presence next him he willed himself to let go off any negative thoughts from the day. He didn’t want to go into his meeting tomorrow still feeling off kilter, knowing he couldn’t afford to mess this up because of a bad mood. Renjun felt Sichengs slender fingers card through his hair helping him relax and it didn't take long before he felt the bed dip from his mothers weight. Opening one eye he held back a laugh when he saw how close she was to his own face, she was kneeling just below where he’d tucked his legs up on the bed and had stretched right over his body to look at him supporting her weight on one of her hands on Sichengs thigh. She gave him a smile before pressing a kiss to his shoulder, about as far as she could reach from her position also offering Sicheng a smile before leaving them to go to her own bed. Renjun didn't know how long Sicheng stayed that night when he woke up the next morning, only that his brother had left some time after Renjun had inevitably fallen asleep. One moment he’d been half watching the movie and the next he was waking up to an empty bed. It was a relief head felt a lot clearer than it had when they’d gotten back the night before but he figured half an hour more of sleep or so wouldn’t do any harm as he buried his face into the plush pillow once more ignoring the call of the early morning light filtering through the windows. 


	7. Chapter 7

Renjuns meeting with admissions was at a quarter past two in the afternoon, his mother informed him she had business to attend to elsewhere in the city over breakfast. Renjun had some time to kill before his meeting so he decided he’d get a taxi to the area near the university early and have a look around. When he’d attended the year before he’d barely explored in the four months he was there for, instead locking himself up in the small dorm room he’d had. He changed into the clothes he’d prepared, the denim jacket he’d made before the trip along a black shirt that he’d painstakingly sewn a detailed floral pattern onto along the hem and cuffs. In the end he’d left the patches off the jacket, instead leaving it so only the back had detailing which meant the shirts pattern stood out more against the otherwise black front of his outfit. He’d brought a small satchel with him that had all of his paperwork tucked inside but he still checked everything was there for the hundredth time. His taxi arrived not long after he’d decided he was satisfied that he had indeed brought everything he needed and after a look in the mirror behind the door to adjust his belt and half tucked shirt one last time he headed down to the foyer where the bored looking driver waited.

 

The area around the university was completely full of life. There were numerous shops and restaurants lining the street. Renjun could see at least three internet cafes sitting tucked between the buildings and behind him was the large library that served most of the students. Of course there was also the people, so many people were walking around where he stood ok the pathway. Renjun was lucky he was relatively small because it made it easier to weave his way through the crowd as he headed further away from the main campus but he still got bumped into a few times as he paused on street corners trying to decide which way to walk. Not long after he reached a little maze of narrow streets lined with much smaller restaurants that didn't look quite as expensive as those by the campus. Renjun found himself wandering around these streets reading any menu that looked interesting, but what sat at the end of the street is what really stole his interest. Tucked away was a small garden, not really big enough to justify being called a park but in the middle was a pond that had a water feature in its center. Renjun found himself drawn to it, the statue was of two people one with its head bent downwards and its hand curled against the others chest. It was as beautiful in its detailing as it was sorrowful, Renjun resisted the urge to reach forward and wipe away the tear that was carved onto the face of the one nearest him. 

 

Renjun was sitting under a large tree when someone suddenly dropped down beside him startling him enough that his elbow connected with the trunk. He rubbed at bruised bone as he whipped his head to look at whoever was beside him. Jisung sat with a sheepish look on his face, his eyes dropping to where Renjun held his arm. It was hard to stay mad with how apologetic the younger boy looked, his mouth forming the word sorry over and over again. Renjun smiled at him, shrugging his shoulders and behind Jisung he could see a group of boys watching the pair. Renjun recognised at least two of them from when he’d helped Renjun move, one whose names had been lot to him but the other he remembered well enough. Donghyuck was leaning back on his arms with his face titled to face their direction, the sun lighting up half his face. Donghyuck raised a hand in a small wave when he noticed Renjun looking causing Renjun to quickly divert his eyes back to Jisung who was watching him with an amused smile before he handed his phone over for him to read.

 

**would you like to come sit with us?**

 

Renjun contemplated it for a second before something caught his eye on the corner of the screen, the time read as 1:56 which meant he if he didnt leave then he’d likely be late for his appointment. He had intended to leave fifteen minutes earlier to allow himself time to find his way back to campus and to the correct building but he was late and his heart was racing. He blurted out an apology before jumping up, nearly hitting jisung with his bag and ran in the direction of the entrance only offering a quick glance to where Jisung and Chenles friends sat, Donghyuck watching as he sped past the group with his brows pulled together. It wasn’t until Renjun was doubled over with his hands against his knees that he considered how rude he may have seemed, he had neither answered Jisungs invite nor returned Donghyucks wave instead he’d ran off like they’d offended him. He had a couple of minutes left before the meeting so he quickly typed a message to Jisung explaining his sudden departure while also trying to get his ragged breathing back to a less obvious level. Arriving barely on time and out of breath had not been a part of his plans. 

 

The meeting went smoothly if not teetering on the edge of boring, the woman behind the desk looking over his paperwork and nodding to herself as she checked it against the information on her computer screen leaving Renjun with nothing to do but pick at the skin around his nails. She’d asked to see his portfolio and so he pulled out the leather bound sketchbook he’d brought with him. Inside were both drawings and photographs of his work but she only looked mildly interested and she flipped through the pages before sliding it back across the desk to him. It had wrapped up with her handing him some forms to that confirmed his start date and a copy of the dorm assignment application he’d filled out online, a short message saying he’d be emailed within 7 working days with his roommates information. Renjun was suspicious by how simple the meeting had gone but he didn’t stop to question it when the woman dismissed him, instead offering her a quick bow and hurrying out of the office. Renjun hadn’t thought it possible but as he exited the building the crowd of people making their way around had gotten larger since he’d first arrived. He pulled his bag closer to his side and was about to call a taxi back to the hotel when he saw Sicheng picking his way through the crowd towards him so he tucked his phone back into his pocket and skipped down the steps two at a time. 

 

As soon as they were close enough Renjun asked how Sicheng knew where he was, he knew his brother had known about his meeting but he hadn’t given his brother what time it was at. Sicheng spun on the spot and began walking back to the street Renjun hurrying after him curing his brothers long legs in his head. Once they were side by side, Sicheng finally gave him an answer to his question. 

 

_Jisung told me where you were. Chenle’s waiting._

 

Sicheng didn’t elaborate on where Chenle was waiting instead he just lead the way, Renjun subconsciously hooking a finger through one of the belt loops on Sichengs Jeans as not to lose him in the crowd. It was a habit Renjun had developed as a child when Sicheng had his first big growth spurt and would speed off walking leaving Renjun to try catch up on his own shorter legs. Sicheng never commented on it but Renjun could still feel his cheeks warming and ducked his head trusting his brother to not let him walk into someone. Renjun gently bumped into Sichengs back when he stopped at a road and as Renjun peered around Sicheng he saw Chenle waiting outside the cafe he’d visited with Yukhei on the other side of the road. Renjun let go of Sichengs belt loop and moved to stand beside him instead his eyes watching for the cross signal, Renjun moved forward earlier than Sicheng due to the delay for the sounded signal to alert the rest of the crowd they could cross but Renjun only made it a step or two forward before Sicheng was beside him again. 

 

Chenle gave Renjun a quick hug before pushing the door open, neither he nor Sicheng waited to be seated instead walking over to one of the sleek booths on the far side of the room. Booth may be an exaggeration when it was really just two bench seats positioned around a table with a small panel separating it from the table behind it. Renjun sat facing towards the counter while Sicheng and chenle sat opposite him facing the front windows. Renjun watched as the cashier appeared from the back room and startled by their sudden appearance before simply grabbing the small menus they offered for proper food that wasn't baked goods. It took a moment for Renjun to recognise him as the third friend from the moving day he tried to be subtle as he read the name tag, embarrassed that he’d forgotten Jisungs friends names so quickly but the cashier, Jeno, was too busy speaking to Chenle to notice Renjun. Jeno did however smile at Renjun as he handed him the menu before walking back to where the till was, leaned heavily against the counter and pulling his phone out and just wholly looking quite unprofessional but then again the cafe didn't strike him as somewhere with strict rules. The menu offered a small selection of meals with a relatively healthy theme to it despite the amount of cakes and sweet treats on offer. Renjun couldn't help himself when he saw they offered milkshakes, his heart settling on the chocolate strawberry swirl one. In a weak attempt to balance out the sugar he was about to consume he ordered a bowl of noodles that sounded somewhat a healthy option while both Sicheng and Chenle ordered a steak dish. Instead of Jeno who actually made them,  the employee who had been at the cafe last time brought the drinks over sharing a quick conversation with Sicheng, saying something that made both Sicheng and Chenle laugh. Renjun felt awkward being the only one to not know what was so funny and looked intently at his drink stirring the straw around the thick mixture. The employee, Taeyong Renjun recalled, leaned over the table to gently smack Chenle on the head but Renjun could sense someone watching him so he looked up and made eye contact with Taeyong as he straightened back up. Sicheng leaned forward drawing Taeyongs attention back to him, with one hand he gestured to Renjun and he could make out that Sicheng was explaining he was his brother. Taeyong nodded, something seemingly clicking in his head before he said something to Sicheng, too quickly for Renjun to catch it himself. It made sense though when Sicheng looked in his direction and relayed Taeyongs message in sign, 

 

 _He said nice to meet you, a_ pause to allow Renjun to smile and offer a small wave to Taeyong who watched the brothers with a kind smile and a softened gaze. _And he hopes you enjoy the food… he’s the chef._ Renjun nodded but didn't really have a response other than thank you so he passed the message on via Sicheng. Taeyong left them soon after, Renjun watched as he disappeared behind the door which lead to him catching Jeno trying to act like he hadn’t been watching their interaction the entire time. He’d tried being subtle as he leaned on the counter watching but Renjun had seen him out of the corner of his eye as his head had flicked between Renjun and Sicheng. Sometimes the glances or outright staring people did whenever Renjun and whoever he was with conversed in sign bothered him and he often had to resist the urge to ask Sicheng or Chenle or whoever to tell the strangers to mind their own business but the look on Jenos face had been so innocently curious Renjun didn't have the heart to be angry at him for it. 

 

Their food came out pretty sharpish despite the fact the flow of customers had picked up considerably since they’d arrived. Renjun resisted the urge to basically shove his face in the bowl, the smell coming from it had him bending over it, when he straightened noticing what he was doing Taeyong was laughing next to him. Renjun ducked his head, mumbling a thank you hoping the old boy would hear him. While they ate the conversations died down, Renjuns hands too occupied with eating the delicious food in front of him to even pause long enough to reply to any comments directed his way. He could get used to eating Taeyongs food when he came back to university, he even might not miss his mothers cooking too much. Renjun was the first to finish his food and when he sat back with a happy sigh he almost missed the satisfied look on Sichengs face but he had noticed it before Sicheng could neutralise his facial expressions again. Renjun smiled at his brother to show him that it was okay that he’d been keeping an eye on him, that he was okay, that he was okay with how much he’d eaten. Renjun understood due to how he’d reacted at their dinner the night before and he understood that Sicheng would be more attentive after he’d had a minor relapse. But honestly Taeyongs food had been so good it hadn’t occurred to him once to even think about how much he was eating. Even after with his stomach feeling full he could only sit back with a half grin on his face. 

 

Chenle and Sicheng finished shortly after while Renjun sipped on his milkshake looking around the cafe. He watched as Jeno dealt with the steady flow of customers that came in and sat at tables while another guy worked the till. Jeno collected their plates and had just headed into the back when suddenly Renjun was collided with from the side. Before he could registar what was happening he flung his arms out in surprise trying to balance himself and he watched in horror as his glass of milkshake wobbled in front of him from where he’d been drinking it, before falling on its side. The contents splashed across the table and he felt more than saw as it connected with his body, the cold seeping straight through his shirt. He scrambled away into the corner against the wall before daring to look down, immediately he felt wetness in his eyes. His shirt had taken the hardest hit, the material sticking to his stomach and he could see that it was ruined. His jacket had some of the drink on it, not quite as much as his shirt but enough that it dripped when he pulled it away from his body. Renjun tried to hold his emotions back when he lifted his head but he’d gone from surprised to sad to angry in what was probably only a few minutes or so and it took almost all of his inner strength to not lash out when he looked up and came face to face with not only a table of chaos but Donghyuck kneeling beside him, his hands outstretched like he’d intended to try catch the glass. 

 

Both Donghyuck and Jaemin were frantically saying things to him while over the table Sicheng was very visibly angry with the paid and beside him Chenle was desperately trying to sign apologies and half sentences to Renjun. Suddenly Jeno and Taeyong were at the table, Taeyong with cloths in hand trying to clean up Renjuns ruined drink and Jeno pulling at Jaemins arm… half the cafe watching their table in shock along with Yukhei, Jisung and another boy sat two tables away from theirs. It was all too much and Renjun could barely control the tears that were threatening to overflow from his eyes, so he jumped up and began climbing over Donghyuck pushing the other boys torso out of his way, he felt as Donghyuck flinched when Renjuns knee came in contact with his the top of his thigh but Renjun was too busy always pushing Jaemin over the edge of the seat and into a startled Jeno who caught him before he could entirely fall backwards. Once the exit was clear Renjun shoved his way past Taeyong and Jeno, both of them taking tiny steps back to let him past. Renjun tried to look calmer than he felt as he headed for the restrooms but he couldn't hide his wet eyes and red cheeks or the way his steps were a little too hurried. Slamming the door shut behind him he balled his hands up into fists and pressed against his eyes, as if trying to force the tears back in but he couldn’t hold it in, feeling the hot tears roll down his cheeks. He was angry that his clothes were ruined and mortified at the entire situation, his prior cheerful mood completely ruined by the whole thing. Gingerly he removed his jacket and began washing the milkshake off it as best he could, watching as the water turned brown as it washed down the drain. He had no spare clothes with him and he really had no idea what to do about his shirt, the material was too delicate to survive its sudden state. 

 

Sicheng appeared in the mirror behind him, looking at Renjun through his reflection but before he could reach out to him, hand halfway between their bodies Renjun tried to force as much strength into his voice as he told his brother to get out. Sicheng hesitated, his eyes lingering on Renjuns face before he turned and left the restroom. Renjun dropped to the floor, his jacket balled up in his hands against his lower legs as he rested his head on his knees. He counted back from fifty in mandarin in his head trying to calm back down and it was slowly working… as long as he didn't think about the way his shirt was sticking to him uncomfortably. His phone vibrated in his jeans pocket thrice before he lifted his head to acknowledge it, notifications with Chenle and Sichengs names attached to them.

 

Chenle

jun please come back

 

Sicheng

its just us at the table Renjun

 

Chenle

RENJUN I’M SO SORRY

 

Renjun

Its okay lele

 

Chenle

I’ll buy you a new top!

Promise!

 

Renjun

… it was a customised one

 

Chenle

Oh 😭

atleast come back to the table 

 

Renjun

… 

I don’t have a top 

 

Sicheng

I’m bring you my hoodie and Chenle is getting you a new milkshake

… and potentially plotting the murder of his friends

 

Renjun weakly laughed at Sichengs final message before he put his phone down next to him. He’d calmed down enough to stand back up and begin unbuttoning his shirt, he’d told Chenle it was okay but the three of them all knew Renjun was upset but he appreciated that both Sicheng and Chenle had dealt with the situation outside. He was rubbing at his cheeks to remove the left over wetness from his tears when the door opened behind him slightly, Sichengs head poking in through the gap. He waited until Renjun nodded before stepping in fully, the burgundy hoodie he’d been wearing before held in one hand and a bag Renjun assumed was one of the cafes in the other. Renjun undid the rest of his buttons and removed his shirt, cringing as it peeled off his skin before dropping it into the bag as Sicheng held it out. Renjun quickly wiped any left over milkshake from his stomach and arms with dampened napkins before slipping Sichengs hoodie over his head, the hem falling halfway down his thighs. Sicheng was peering into the bag when Renjun added his jacket to it, he’d folded it neatly but it barely fit so he had to reluctantly push on it so it wouldn’t fall out, hating the fact it was now pressed in against the dirtied shirt. When Renjun looked back up with a scowl Sicheng hesitated,

 

_Are you okay?_

 

_Yes… No. embarrassed and mad but i’m okay._

Sicheng lifted his lips into a sad half smile and ran his fingers through the front of Renjuns hair before replying, Renjun could sense how bad Sicheng felt for him, how much he didn’t like seeing Renjuns flushed cheeks and defeated look on his face.

_I’m sorry_

 

_I know._

 

Sicheng took Renjuns hand giving it a squeeze before he led the way back out into the cafe. Renjun pretended not to notice as all heads at the other boys table turned to him and Sichengs appearance, bitterly refusing to look anywhere near Donghyuck and Jaemin. On the table sat another milkshake, smaller than his last and only seeming a little less appealing than the last but once he was seated he wrapped one hand around the glass and tucked the straw between his teeth. It still tasted good. Chenle slid a piece of paper across the table to next to Renjuns glass, and Renjun read what was written on it in a mildly messy handwriting before crumpling it into a ball and shoving it into the hoodie pocket, refusing to say anything in response to it.

 

**Renjun**

**I’m sorry we ruined your shirt and i’m sorry I couldn't afford a larger milkshake… please don't be too mad, we didn’t know.**

**-Donghyuck**

 

Approximately twenty minutes later Renjun and Sichengs mother walked through the door which meant it was time to leave for home. She found their table easily giving a wave before turning towards the counter to place an order. Renjun started collecting his things up as she weaved her way through the tables, stopping briefly by Jisung to share a quick word with him and showing him one of her bright smiles before she stood at the end of their booth. All three of them stood, Chenle saying goodbye giving both Renjun and his mother quick hugs before joining the other table and their conversation. Sicheng however followed them out to where the car was parked a few vehicles down from the cafe, he apologised again to Renjun and gave him a one armed hug before turning to face their mother who kissed his cheek and squeezed him so tight Renjun feared he might snap. Sicheng waited by the curb as they did their seatbelts and waved to them as they pulled away, Renjun watched his figure get smaller in the side mirror before they turned a corner and Sicheng disappeared behind a building. 

 

It was dark once they arrived home, Renjun had fallen asleep with his cheek propped against his hand about half way back and woke up groggy and disoriented. He stumbled up the steps to his room, dropping his bags somewhere between the door and bed. As he fell onto his stomach against the mattress he felt the corner of the note in his pocket poke through the hoodie so he pulled it out to look at once again. Donghyuks handwriting was exactly the prettiest to look at but it was more understandable than Jisungs at least. Renjun rolled onto his back as he thought about the words written on it. Donghyuck had said ‘we didn't know’ did he mean they didn’t know about Renjuns deafness? It was possible as he hadn’t spoken much at any of their previous encounters with each other but surely one of them must have seen him signing at least once when they’d been at Chenle and Jisungs dorm. Surely. Renjun did appreciate that Donghyuck had paid for his new drink though, even if it didn’t bring back his ruined shirt. Renjuns mood had picked up slightly after he returned to the booth but any time he thought back to how long he’d spent on his clothes, how long he’d debated on what to wear to his meeting, his stomach twisted uncomfortably. Renjun took pride in his appearance and his clothes, especially those he’d made himself had a special significance for him. When he struggled he wanted to hide under loose nondescript clothing that wouldn’t draw attention to him. The pieces he customised had the opposite effect, they drew attention to themselves and often Renjun received compliments on them. They were something he was proud of and to know that now two he’d spent long hours working on sat crumpled in a plastic bag hurt a little. But he wouldn’t say he was angry at Donghyuck and Jaemin as such, it more just disappointment at the outcome of his hard work muddled with the embarrassment of his own reaction to the pairs actions.

 

Renjun decided he’d had enough thinking about it, enough being sad over it and grabbed the bag from his floor and rushed back downstairs. He passed through the living room and his parents watching the television and straight out the back door to the side of the house where the bins stood. He refused to hesitate as he dumped the bag and shirt into it, only stopping long enough to pull out the jacket. On his way back through the house he dropped the jacket into the laundry bins in the bathroom, he’d deal with it tomorrow or another day… some time in the future at least. Back in his room he pulled some anime Sicheng had told him about a few months back that he’d never gotten around to and settled on his bed. With some difficulty Renjun managed to push the thoughts of that night to the back of my mind.

  
  


Three days later he noticed a email from the university with the subject line begining with ‘Roommate assignment response’ and stubbornly ignored it for the better part of the day. It was after dinner when he finally returned to his inbox, his hand hesitating on the touchpad when the cursor sat above the email. He’d been hesitating all day to acknowledge the email but he knew he’d have to look at it at some point but thoughts ran through his head of all the things he didn’t want his roommate to be. Messy, weird, rude… the list went on cause god what if they really were the worst kind of person and he was stuck living with them for the next year at least. Renjun closed his eyes as he clicked on it, counting to thirty before opening one eye and scanning the email for a single name. There it was, the name of the person he’d be living with for the foreseeable future but Renjun felt nothing. He didn't know what he had expected though to be honest, it wasn’t as if a name would have told him anything about the person. It wasn’t long till he found out who exactly his roommate was though. Renjun had been scrolling through his phone half bored and half asleep when his phone started vibrating repeatedly, twitter notifications spamming the top of his screen one username catching his attention the most. Curious he opened the latest one and sat up in shock, he’d tweeted about his room assignment earlier on and had it has caused a bit of attention. Renjun sighed even as relief washed over him realising he had already met his future roommate before. Na Jaemin is seemed was the very same as Jisungs friend Jaemin or as Renjun had ‘affectionately’ began to think of him, dumbass number two. Of course Donghyuck was dumbass number one.

 

Soon after Renjuns discovery that Jaemin was his roommate he’d received a message from the other boy. He replied to the initial message but then left Jaemin on read while he went to find food, leaving his phone behind on the sofa. Renjun hadn’t even thought about it until he sat down and saw multiple messages and tweets lighting up his screen and felt the slightest bit guilty when he noticed what he’d done. He was too used to only talking to a select few people who knew he had a bad habit of leaving his phone somewhere and thus not noticing incoming calls of messages. Renjun quickly replied, ensuring Jaemin he hadn’t purposefully ignored him too focused on his phone he cursed out loud when he burned his tongue on his noodles. Moving onto the other notifications he quickly saw that the rest of that friend group had also been informed of the new information and were now flooding his twitter and he couldn't help himself, clicking on Donghyucks profile. Renjun found himself laughing multiple times reading Donghyucks tweets and almost entirely melted when he spotted a few photos of a tiny white kitten, he assumed this was the one Jaemin had just been telling him about. Apparently Jeno and Donghyuck owned a kitten despite their university dorms all having strict no pet rules but Renjun could see how the tiny little thing in Donghyucks tweets would be worth the risk of being kicked from the dorms. Renjun also couldn’t ignore how cute Donghyuck looked in one particular shot of him laying down with the kitten curled up on his chest asleep. Renjun also could not control the laugh that bubbled from his chest when Jaemin informed him that the kittens name was Bingsu because of course it would be. 

 

Renjun couldn’t help it but the more Jaemin messaged him of the others included him in their tweets he found himself laughing repeatedly. It also helped ease some of his nerves about moving, they seemed like good people and apparently ran within the same group of friends as Sicheng and Jaehyun. Jaemin messaged him frequently over the course of the evening and night about an array of topics seemingly able to find something to talk about at any given time even when Renjun replied a little awkwardly to some, like when Jaemin spoke about Chenles loud laugh before realising what he’d said. Renjun hadn’t even known what kind of laugh Chenle, his own cousin, had and he felt only a slight pang of jealousy that Jaemin did before Jaemin changed the topic. Later, Renjun was very much ready to sleep when a message from an unknown number popped up and sent his heart skittering a little. It seemed, Donghyuck had found his number and Renjun it seemed couldn’t help but forget the idea of sleep and in turn replied to the other boy at 2:26am. The sun was starting to rise by the time his body forced him to rest. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi,  
> sorry for the ridiculous delay in posting was a bit caught up in life to really sit down to write but its here finally.
> 
> as always italics indicate use of sign language  
> standard text is vocal speech  
> bold is written (when its not in the form a message)
> 
> i will like always review this for any mistakes at a later date so please don’t be too annoyed by any. i do apologise for any there are but oh i can not re read this again just yet.
> 
> enjoy!

Renjun noticed two things in the final few days at home, the first was about his newly found group of friends.

  
1) That they were relentless in messaging. 

Donghyuck added him to the group chat that he and the others had, at first he felt a little overwhelmed but Chenle knowing that Renjun didn’t talk to quite so many people frequently often drew the attention away from him when he was bombarded with questions. They were harmless but Renjun wasn’t used to having so many people directing their attention on to him.  It became quite apparent very quickly that the group always found some reason to message back and forth even over the most mundane topics. The problem with how frequently they were contacting him was that he often found himself scrambling back to his phone once he noticed he had left it somewhere… again. Ordinarily he didn’t worry about leaving messages go unread for a while knowing that most of his friends understood that he didn’t always notice that people had messaged him because if the phone wasn’t within his line of sight, he wouldn’t notice the flash indicating something requiring his attention. But after the third time of apologising to the group that he wasn’t ignoring them and that he had simply put his phone down he found himself being hyper aware of the phones whereabouts. Then on top of the group chat he frequently received messages from Donghyuck and Jaemin separately. It was almost embarrassing how long he could sit talking to the former without noticing the time go by. 

Which lead the second thing he noticed,

2)He had been a terrible son who was about to move away.

He’d neglected to spend time with his parents before he was due to leave and it was this realisation that had him plugging his phone on to charge in his bedroom before making his way downstairs to spend time with them, a whole two nights before his moving day. He found his parents in the front room, but he paused in the doorway when he noticed two more occupants in the adjoining kitchen. Leaning up against the counter with a glass of water was Jaehyun and behind him looking over his shoulder by the refrigerator was Sicheng. Renjun honestly had no idea how long the couple had been home and he knew he was failing to hide his surprise as a sly smile creeped on to Sichengs face. Instead of acknowledging the fact he had clearly missed their not so recent return he dropped down onto the sofa beside his mother with his head in her lap and his legs hanging over the arm of the sofa. It didn’t take long before he felt his mothers small fingers carding through his hair, pushing it back from his face as she played with it. Truthfully Renjun loved laying like this, loved the feeling of someone softly playing with his hair even when he began to feel the tell tale signs of his mother trying to sneakily place short plaits in it he still loved the calming sensation it created.

The next day Renjun tried to spend as much time as possible with his mother, joining her in the kitchen while Sicheng and Jaehyun played games in the lounge. They cooked an assortment of dishes ready for when his father came home from work which was a change from their usual baking sessions but Renjun wouldn’t complain. His mother was just as enthusiastic about cooking savory dishes as she was sweet things but it was so much more work and took quite a while. By the time they were finished prepping everything Renjun felt like his legs could go out from underneath him so he padded over to the sofa and dropped down on top of his brother wriggling around to get comfortable. Surprisingly Sicheng didn’t push him off too engaged in the game to really care so Renjun decided a quick nap wouldn’t do any harm. When he woke it was to his mother tugging on his foot, he felt groggy and a little bit disorientated so he looked around noting it had gotten dark outside. Rubbing at his eyes with the palms of his hands, he stretched out his whole body groaning in the process. Unfortunately it didn’t help wake him up any so he struggled to open his eyes again

“Five more minutes please” Renjuns speech was slurred, his mouth not forming any of the words properly but he chose to ignore both it and his mother tickling his foot. Sadly for him Sicheng wasn’t going to let Renjun get his five more minutes and pushed him off both himself and the sofa sending Renjun tumbling to the floor in an undignified heap. Instead of picking himself up Renjun just tucked an arm under his head determined to gain a few more minutes sleep, he felt as Sicheng stepped over him giving up on getting Renjun to cooperate. After about twenty minutes or so, long enough for his legs to start going numb with sleep Renjun figured he may as well find out what it was his mother had wanted him for. Sitting up he rubbed at his head, effectlvely making his hair stand up in every direction as he opened one eye and scanned the room for his mother. Finding her and everyone else sitting at the dinner table eating their food. Renjun felt his cheeks flush when he caught his father's eye and the older male laughed at his youngest sons antics, he jumped up straightening out his shirt and trying to discreetly wipe the drool from his chin before joining the others, Renjun kept laughing over dinner enjoying the upbeat atmosphere, he was glad his final day at home was a good one but he was a little sad it was most of the way over. 

 

After dinner Renjun and Sicheng excused themselves to go up to Renjuns bedroom, he'd promised to facetime with Jaemin that night but needed his brother to be there to help with the conversation. Jaemin didn ́t know sign language which was quite obviously an issue if they were going to talk over video. Sicheng had agreed pretty easily even if it meant leaving Jaehyun with their parents but then again their parents loved Jaehyun so Renjun didn’t feel that guilty about it. They only had ten minutes before the agreed call time but Renjun had already set his laptop up on one of his moving boxes. Sicheng was comfortably lounging on Renjuns bed while Renjun paced back and forth by the foot of the bed picking at the skin around his nails. He didn’t know what he was so worried about as he’d talking frequently enough with Jaemin via text but he couldn’t help but be worried about whether or not Jaemin would like actually talking with him in a verbal setting. What if Jaemin found it weird that Renjun had to have SIcheng there with him just to hold a conversation? or what if he didn’t have the patience for his words to be translated? Worries were racing through Renjuns mind and he could feel Sicheng watching him which didn’t help is already heightened nerves. It had happened before to Renjun, where he’d gotten along well with someone when they were messaging each other but then the other person had grown tired of trying to talk to Renjun when they met in person. He was always honest about the fact he was deaf but sometimes people didn’t think through react similarly. Sicheng clearly got tired of his pacing and pulled Renjun onto the bed with him, forcing him to sit beside him. Renjun bounced his knee up and down until Sicheng held it still so Renjun went back to picking his skin around his fingers again just seeking for something to distract him. 

 

Before he knew it the screen showed an incoming call, Sicheng quickly turned to him before they answered to ask if he was ready to which Renjun could only nod because Sicheng was already leaning forward to accept. Renjun took a deep breath as Jaemins face appeared on the screen with possibly the brightest, largest smile Renjun had ever seen on someone on his face. Sicheng greeted him first quickly explaining why he was there which Jaemin seemed to be alright with because his smile didn’t fade in the slightest. And then his attention was on Renjun and all Renjun could do was wave, Jaemin laughed and waved back before he said something to Sicheng even though his eyes didn’t leave Renjuns face. The two brothers angled themselves so they were facing each other more but not too far that Jaemin would feel unincluded.

 

_He asked if you’re excited to move?_

_Excited… nervous. The usual._

 

Renjun waited while Sicheng replied to Jaemin and Jaemin said something back but he took the time to look Jaemin over. He was wearing an oversized hoodie that partially hid  his messy hair, he had large bright eyes that reflected the light of his computer and as he spoke his mouth seemed to be either in a pout or smiling. Jaemin had one of those handsome but friendly faces that Renjun bet always drew people to him. Sicheng shifting towards him again moved Renjuns attention from Jaemin back to him.

 

_You have no reason to be nervous because you have him and everyone there. The only thing you have to worry about is getting caught with a kitten._

Renjun snorted, because of course there would be kitten smuggling involved _,_

_Sounds like a risk worth taking. Oh ask him if there's food in the dorm I don’t want to die from starvation on my first day._

 

After five minutes Sicheng had begun translating for Jaemin as Sicheng signed to him and signed as jaemin spoke so the conversation sped up a bit which helped Renjuns nerves. As more time passed the more comfortable he found himself speaking with Jaemin and the other boy didn’t seem to have any issue with the occasional pause while Sicheng finished translating for Renjun. The conversation had gone from talking about Renjun moving to random topics, some of which Sicheng struggled with but he was trying his best and Jaemin laughed when he came up completely empty with the correct translation. Renjun wasn’t sure how long they’d been talking when Jaemin suddenly disappeared from the screen, Sicheng quickly giving him an explanation that someone had knocked on the door but Renjun didn’t get long to wonder who when Jaemin reappeared with Jeno in tow. The pair dropped down on to what Renjun assumed was the floor, and if Renjun had thought Jaemin had a bright smile Jenos gave him a run for his money. Jaemin quickly brought Jeno up to where the conversation was at before continuing where they left off. Jeno seemed to adjust the slightly odd conversational setting just as easily as Jaemin had joining in without any awkwardness. Jeno was telling a story about how Jaemin had made a fool out of himself earlier in the week which had Sicheng struggling to sign as he laughed and when he finally managed to tell Renjun, Renjun couldn’t hold in his own laugh. When he looked back at the screen he felt his cheeks blush and ducked his chin against his chest, both Jeno and Jaemin were giving him wide eyed looks and he realised what he’d done. He hadn’t thought about it but it hit him suddenly that he’d laughed out loud and for all he knew he might have the ugliest laugh.

 

He wanted to tell himself he was overreacting but so far he hadn’t been vocal in the conversation and he always got self conscious when he first let new people hear what he sounded like. He started worrying that he’d laugh too loudly or that his laugh had come out sounding strange. He really didn’t want to look  back up his eyes focused on his fingers playing with the bottom of his shirt but Sicheng tapped at his knee until he looked back up, avoiding the screen as best he could.

 

_They said you have a pretty laugh so don’t be embarrassed._ Renjun felt his face heat up even more at the compliment, he was relieved that he hadn’t made a fool out of himself but it was still embarrassing how shy he’d gotten from something as simple as laughing.  _They’re not lying you know, you do have a pretty laugh_  

 

Renjun rolled his eyes at his brother deciding to just face the pair instead because he didn’t have a reply for that other than thank you. 

 

They spent a further hour talking before Sicheng seemed to remember he’d left Jaehyun by himself so they said their goodbyes. After his brother had left Renjun laid back on his bed, he was happy and relieved that he’d gotten along with not only Jaemin but also Jeno so well and that they had both seemed unbothered by having Sicheng there. They’d actually admitted that they’d been getting lessons in Sign Language by Chenle and Sicheng to which Renjun had hit his brother for not telling him before. Apparently the whole group had been learning little by little but wanted to surprise Renjun but their knowledge was still too limited for them to make use of it this early on. Renjun appreciated the effort though and was honestly a little stunned that they would all do that for him so he could feel more comfortable for them. Renjun felt lucky that he had been roomed with Jaemin and not some random person, he was sure he would have met them all regardless seeing as they were also Chenles friends but it made everything a little less daunting knowing his roommate wasn’t some asshole he wouldn’t get along with. 

  
  


As it turned out, moving was much more stressful if you were the one doing it. Despite his morning starting off well and even with him joking around with Jaehyun over breakfast, Renjun could feel his stress levels rising pretty much from the moment Sicheng dropped a box on the way to the car. It didn’t improve as everyone rushed around him playing tetris with his belongings to make them all fit in the back of Jaehyuns car completely disregarding any ‘fragile’ warnings on them. Renjun sat in the backseat once again squeezed between a box and a door silently sulking that no one had given him a moment to process what was happening. He understood that Sicheg and Jaehyun had wanted to drive back to the city relatively early in the day but he hadn’t expected everyone to rush around and try to load all of his stuff up in under twenty minutes. He hadn’t even got a chance to check his room for anything he may have forgotten for god sakes. Renjun didn’t try reply or to reply to anything Sicheng aimed at him, in fact he didn’t even acknowledge the others for the whole journey instead choosing to try grab some sleep about halfway. He didn't of course, his nerves too tightly wound for him to relax but he kept his eyes closed and head resting against the window despite his very awake state. He felt the car stop eventually and opened his eyes to look out the window, they had pulled up outside an extremely bland building with faded grey walls. Sicheng and Jaehyun had already climbed out of the car and were leaning against the hood waiting for him but he took a moment to pull up his emails to check what floor and room number he was in before unbuckling his seatbelt ignoring the slight tremor in his hands. Renjun stopped by the curb to take a proper look at the building and yep, it really wasn’t any less unimpressive up close. He looked down as a group of people exited the building laughing and talking among themselves as they made their way past the trio. Jaehyun bumped his shoulder with his own, offering Renjun a small supportive smile even though his arms were full with two boxes while Renjuns own were very much empty. After a moment's pause to accept it was time he walked forwards...towards the place he’d call home for the next year.

 

There wasn’t much to take in on the way up, the walls were white and the carpet a dark navy presumably to hide any dirt tracked in by the occupants but it was worn down in multiple spots. Renjun (and Jaemins) dorm was on the fifth floor and just to Renjuns luck was the furthest door from the elevator. Renjun couldn’t hold in his laugh when they found the right room thanks to the very big and very bright poster stuck to it. There on the door was an a5 piece of paper and in big bright orange writing was ‘Welcome home honey (Renjun)’ inside a large heart with further smaller hearts surrounding it in varying colours. He was still laughing quietly as he let them into the dorm, kicking his shoes off by the door he looked around. A small kitchen to his right, a door leading to the bathroom just off to his left, hygienic. Unlike Chenles dorm his didn’t include separate bedrooms or a main room instead the short entrance hall opened up into a shared bedroom. The left was very obviously Jaemins side, the bed was a mess with half the duvet hanging off onto the floor. Crushed between the wall and the floor of the bed was a desk, or well Renjun assumed there was a desk under the piles of paper and textbooks covering most of its surface and by the pillows was what looked like a stool come nightstand where one lone chipped mug sat instead of anything remotely useful. The right hand side of the room mirrored the left only it was clean and there was a grinning Donghyuck laying across the bed. As soon as Renjuns eyes landed on him Donghyucks smile grew and Renjun could see his shoulders shake with gentle laughter. In his peripheral vision Renjun could see Jaehyun and Sicheng placing boxes down by the wall before heading back out of the dorm but if he was being honest, he had no desire right now to assist them in his own move.

  
  


Renjun slowly crawled up onto the bed, his bed, sitting back on his legs facing DOnghyuck. They’d only ever seen each other in passing (or as Renjun clambered over his lap that one time) but up close Renjun could make out the finer details of Donghyucks face. Like how he had fine eyelashes but a little scar on his eyelid. How his freckles made up a constellation on his face, Renjuns eyes following the way they dipped under the collar of his shirt. A strand of hair had caught in Donghyucks eyelashes and he blinked trying to get it out so renjun leaned forward balancing on one hand to gently remove it, blushing when he noticed how close he’d leaned toward Donghyuck.Leaning back to create some space between them again he almost missed Donghyuck thanking him but he smiled god, he had pretty lips. They sat quietly for a moment before Donghyucks face lit up with a smile as Renjun mouthed Hi to him. It was ridiculous how comfortable Renjun was with finding this near stranger quite literally in his bed without warning but there was something about Donghyuck that made him easy to be around. Donghyuck was all soft features and warm personality but Renjun knew he had a snarky side, had seen it in the group chat and perhaps it was that side of Donghyuck that made him feel comfortable. As stupid as it sounded. Donghyucks attention was suddenly on something behind Renjun so he looked over his shoulder, Sicheng stood looking down on the pair with an unreadable expression while saying something to Donghyuck. Renjun only caught the last part but Donghyuck stood, stretching out his legs before offering a hand to him. Renjun hesitated for a moment before accepting it allowing himself to be pulled off the bed and gently led out of the dorm. Donghyuck still had a hold of Renjuns hand when they made it to the elevator but one glance from Sicheng had him pulling it back and fiddling with his fingers instead. Renjun rolled his eyes at his brothers childish behaviour biting back a remark about it, he was comfortable with Donghyuck yes but not quite speaking level comfortable. When the four of them were standing in the quite frankly too small elevator Renjun turned to Sicheng mildly grateful they could have this conversation is somewhat privacy.

 

_What is your problem?_ Renjun got straight to the point but Sicheng wasn’t one to back down so cocking one eyebrow at him he turned it on Renjun

 

_What was that? I didn’t know you two were that close._

 

Renjun gaped at his brother, wanting to laugh at how terribly he had misread the situation

 

_There is no that, he was only leading me back out_

_You know the way_

_I didn’t know we were leaving the dorm_

_Well you could help you know_

 

Neither brother could hide the fact this had somehow turned into a miniature argument, both their faces had turned stormy and both Jaehyun and Donghyuck had backed away as far as they could in the small space. Donghyuck looked between the two, his lip sucked between his teeth eyes flicking from Renjuns frown to Sichengs. Renjun didn’t want to argue with his brother, didn’t want to add any more stress to his day so he turned on his heels so he was facing away from Sicheng and shoved his hands into his pockets. He could still feel Sichengs eyes on the side of his face when the elevator doors opened but he chose to ignore him in favour of stamping his way through the building entrance. Jaehyuns car was half empty which caused Renjun to feel a slight twinge of guilt that the two had done this much while Renjun hadn’t actually moved a single box yet. 

 

It only took them a further fifteen minutes to unload the car, Sicheng and Jaehyun leaving on account of other plans but promising to be back to go out for dinner. That left just Renjun and Donghyuck to unpack the stuff, Renjun hadn’t actually packed that much and it was all relatively easy stuff to find the correct places for. Donghyuck was sorting out his desk while Renjun hung his clothes in the hidden built in closet in the hallway, Donghyuck having to point it out to him with a laugh as Renjun looked around confused. Renjun had packed a fair amount of clothes in all honesty and feared they might not actually all fit as he watched in horror as the railing filled quicker than he would have liked. Pushing the remaining still half full box into the bottom of the closet in defeat he made a mental note to buy some drawers because this space wouldn’t do, especially not when he was always buying new garments to work on. Renjun was about to walk back to see what was left to unpack when he stopped a laugh falling from his lips in an instance. There on the floor was Donghyuck in a starfish position, rubbing his hands up and down on Renjuns newly bought rug. Renjun had seen it in the store and had such an urge to reach out and touch it and when he had he hadn’t hesitated in buying it because it was possibly the softest thing he’d ever touched. It seemed Donghyuck agreed by the blissed out look on his face, Renjun gave him a moment before softly padding over and pushing his leg with his foot. Donghyucks eyes flicked open finding Renjun quickly but he didn’t sit up instead continuing his stroking motion as he repeated “so soft” over and over.  Sicheng and Jaehyun arrived back about ten minutes after they’d finished everything, the dorm looking completely different and Donghyuck still laying on that damn rug. Renjun felt his stomach rumble rubbing a palm across it he looked up at his brother with wide eyes, the argument between them forgotten in their time apart. Sicheng got the hint and tugged him up off where he had sprawled across the floor, Donghyuck quickly followed suit even if it included one regretful look back at the rug.

 

Sicheng played the part of translator as they weaved down the path in a row passing messages between Renjun and Donghyuck. Donghyuck spoke fast and Renjun struggled to keep up with him turning to Sicheng with a confused look an embarrassing frequency. Sicheng took it in stride, he’d done this many many times for Renjun because people who weren’t used to conversing with him often forgot that he couldn’t keep up spoken conversations quite as easily as like 99% of the population. Renjun would be lying if he said it didn’t usually got on his nerves that he relied on someone else but Donghyuck spoke with so much enthusiasm that Renjun found himself more focused on how Donghyucks eyes lit up as he was saying something to Sicheng. Jaehyun was walking next to Renjun but instead of joining any of the conversations he just kept shooting disgustingly love sick looks at Sicheng, by the fifth time Renjun didn’t hide the fact he’d noticed and fake gagged when Jaehyun noticed him watching. Jaehyun laughed and slung his arm around Renjuns shoulder pulling him closer to his side before tugging on his ear, Renjun ducked out from under his arm rubbing at the assaulted lobe with a pout ignoring Sicheng laughing next to him. Jaehyun and Sicheng fell behind the other two to presumably talk between themselves which left Renjun and Donghyuck to walk with each other. They hadn’t done much talking when they’d been left alone in the dorm too preoccupied with the task of unpacking but now walking side by side nerves bubbled in Renjuns stomach as the air turned slightly awkward with neither knowing how to start a new conversation. Talking while walking was harder because Renjun couldn’t simply face Donghyuck to get a clear view of his lips so instead he focused on looking at their surroundings which Donghyuck seemed to be okay with because he didn’t try to push Renjun into talking. Renjun had no idea where they were heading but he trusted the others to not lead him to some terrible restaurant but if they didn’t get there soon he was sure he might die from starvation. Thankfully Donghyuck grabbed Renjuns wrist to get him to stop walking outside what looked like a milkshake and cake store called deja-boos. It was on the more uncomfortable side of busy so Renjun found himself grabbing the back of Sichengs sleeve as they waited in line for a table despite being placed between him and Donghyuck.  

 

Their table was in the back corner but there was still very little space between them and everyone else so Renjun slid into the seat against the wall, it was very apparent that this was a popular place with the students. Looking at the menu Renjun could see why because every single item was some crazy amount of sugar, his eyes kept going back to something called Marshmallow Monstrosity which despite its name sounded perfect given his current state of hunger. Despite the crowd their service was quick, Renjun couldn’t hold himself back and dug into his milkshake-cake hybrid as soon as it was placed in front of him. It was until it was all gone that he realised just how much he’d just consumed or quite how sugary it was, he leaned back to rest his head against the wall with a small groan feeling a headache already beginning to form from the overload. When he opened his eyes again Sicheng was watching him while the others talked, quickly sending him a you okay? Over the table. Renjun didn’t know whether to lie and say he was fine or be honest and admit the milkshake had made him feel a bit sick. Sicheng knew him too well though and stood from the table, signalling for him to follow and once again Renjun found himself grabbing onto his brother. Sicheng led him to the toilets and told him to sit next to the sink, Renjun quicky jumping up and just as quickly regretting it when his stomach turned a little at the action. Renjun had his head in his hands by the time Sicheng returned to infront of him, placing a damp paper hand towel against his forehead and holding it there for him. Once his stomach had settled Renjun raised his head but Sicheng still held the towel there,

 

“Headache?” Renjun nodded and Sicheng gave him a pitiful look so Renjun assumed he must look pretty bad in that moment.

 

“Too much sugar. My stomach hurts” Sicheng pushed Renjuns hair back before lowering himself so they were eye to eye

 

“Shouldn’t have eaten so quick”

 

Renjun whined and pushed his brother out of his face as he replied “I was hungry”

 

Sicheng laughed and finally removed the towel, before pulling another one from the wall and drying Renjuns face for him. Renjun jumped back off the counter albeit a lot more carefully than how he’d climbed it, looking at himself in the mirror but quickly looking away when he noticed how pale he looked. 

 

When they returned to the table Donghyuck shot Renjun a worried glance but didn’t ask any questions, Jaehyun was at the counter paying for their order so Renjun grabbed his backpack and leaned against Sicheng waiting for the others to be ready to go. Once outside the cool air helped Renjun feel a little less sick but his head still hurt from the sudden sugar rush and even though he wanted to stay clinging to his brother he was kind of embarrassed to be doing so not only in public but also in front of Donghyuck so he slowly peeled himself away from Sichengs side. Within a minute Donghyuck had his arm wrapped around Renjuns shoulder, pulling his snug against his side, Renjun looked up at him but Donghyuck just smiled before looking forward again walking while holding up most of Renjuns weight. On the way back they detoured past one of the university buildings, Sicheng explaining it was the Photography building which would be useful information to remember for Renjun granted how often Fashion students worked with the Photography students. Donghyuck started skipping from side to side exaggerating his movements and gently dragging Renjun with him cause him to laugh. Satisfied with making him laugh Donghyuck resumed walking normally again but the smug smile stayed on his face. The walk back was longer than their walk there but it gave Renjuns head time to clear and he was so grateful for Donghyuck all but carrying him back to the dorm. Suddenly the group stopped, Renjun looked up and noticed that they were outside Moons, confused he spun around to face Sicheng and Jaehyun who both looked a little sheepish.

 

_We have to go, we have more plans sorry._

 

Oh, Renjun was going to be left alone with Donghyuck again while fighting off his headache but he didn’t want to worry his brother and keep him from his plans so he nodded. Sicheng didn’t look convinced shooting Jaehyun a glance, they were both hesitating so Renjun plastered a smile on his face,

 

_I’ll be okay, go have fun._

 

When Sicheng and jaehyun still hesitated Renjun decided to take matters into his own hands and grabbed Donghyucks hand and began walking away without looking back. Donghyuck however did look back but he quickly looked forward which made Renjun laugh, tugging on Donghycks hand to get his attention he waited for the other boy to return his gaze before mouthing ‘what’ as clearly as he could to him. 

 

“Sicheng looked shocked… and angry” Renjun laughed at that, he could imagine what look Donghyck had witnessed. He knew Sicheng wasn’t actually angry but Renjun and Donghyuck were being fairly touchy with each other by holding hands and putting their arms around each other which was pretty out of character for Renjun. Sicheng was always a little on the too protective side but Renjun could only imagine how out of whack his protectiveness was being when Renjun was being openly touchy with someone… even if it was only in a friendly manner. 

 

Donghyuck kept talking about things while they walked even though Renjun only replied to less than half of the conversation. Honestly trying to keep up with Donghyuck wasn’t helping his headache and it was making him feel lethargic, Renjun felt bad because Donghyuck was being so friendly and patient but Renjun wasn’t being anywhere near as friendly back. They were almost back to Renjuns building when Donghyuck suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him down an alley on their left, Renjun stumbled over his own feet by the sudden change of direction and without Donghyuck turning to face him he had no idea what on earth he was rambling on about but if he considered the hand gestures to buildings they passed he’d take a guess that Donghyuck was giving him a tour. Even if it was being rendered kinda useless. Renjun tried to catch up but Donghyucks legs were so damn long that he had to just let himself be sort of dragged along trying to take in the names on the store fronts Donghyuck pointed out so he could search for them later. Renjuns eyes were darting from building to building and any progress he’d made with his headache was being ruined but he didn’t know how to ask Donghyuck to stop or slow down other than tugging on his arm. Finally Donghyuck took the hint after Renjun had pulled on his arm for the third time, he spun around to face Renjun coming to such an abrupt stop that Renjun stumbled into him stepping all over his feet. Seeing Renjun flushed in the face and slightly winded Donghyuck appeared to realise his mistake, his mouth forming apologies over and over again even as Renjun waved his hand between them, trying to get him to just shut up for a second. Sadly Donghyuck didn't get the hint so Renjun essentially said screw it and slapped his hand across the other boys mouth, Donghyucks eyes went wide in surprise and his hands stiled from the rapid nonsensical movements they’d been making… Renjun truly didn’t know what he’d even been doing with them.  Now that Donghyuck had been stopped from alogising to literal deaf ears Renjun allowed himself to catch his breath, frankly damn Donghyucks long legs, before he pulled out his phone holding up a finger indicating for Donghyuck to hold on one second.

 

**You need to slow down, I can't keep up**

**And I can’t hear you hyuck you need to face me for me to understand**

 

Donghyuck blushed when he read Renjuns message, then he re-read it and looked everywhere but at Renjuns face. 

 

The longer Donghyuck didn't do anything but avoid Renjuns eyes the guiltier he felt he hadn’t wanted to embarrass the other boy but he just couldn’t keep up any longer. Renjun started fidgeting not really sure what to do now but it seemed neither did Donghyuck because he made no move to move on from the situation either. As the air got thicker with awkwardness Renjun couldn’t stand it so he pushed past Donghyuck to see what else was down the narrow street they’d been progressing down but not without grabbing Donghyucks hand as he passed and spinning the boy so he was now following him. Renjun pulled his phone out of Donghyucks other hand and pulled up their chat typing up a quick message before waiting to feel Donghyuck shift as he retrieved his own phone from his jean pocket

 

Renjun

Tell me all i need to know

 

Donghyuck

Okay the store coming up on our left, its an arts store

 

Renjun grinned as he peered in through the windows, bending a little at the waist to get a better look at the small colouring books they’d lined along the bottom of the window. They might not be groundbreaking art work but they sure were relaxing. Feeling his phone buzz again he straightened and looked down at his next snipped of information.

 

Donghyuck:  
Three stores up, best restaurant for bulgogi  
  


And the store next to that does amazing ice cream

  
Oh and up here on the left is a great clothing store that's pretty well priced

 

Renjun

whoa whoa   
Slow down

We’re not in a rush

 

When Renjun looked up Donghyuck was blushing again, the red hue spreading all the way to his ears. They shared a small smile before continuing on and Renjun made sure to look at each place Donghyuck told him of. Eventually they’d lopped round and were at the opposite end of Renjuns road that they’d started on, Donghyuck explained he lived ten minutes further up as did Jeno, Mark and Yukhei who all lived opposite each other and of course Chenle and Jisungs dorm was closer to the campus but really all of them were within a reasonable walking distance. Which was a relief cause Renjun really didn’t enjoy public transport in new places. Dnghyuck walked him back to his building but stopped them before Renjun could enter, his hand loosely wrapped around Renjuns wrist. Donghyuck had an apologetic look on his face as he spoke, he tried to speak slowly for Renjun but he still tilted his head not quite catching the whole sentence the first time around.

 

“I’m sorry, I have to leave. I have a class… can't miss it” 

 

Renjun nodded when he caught the whole thing the second time, he didn’t want Donghyuck to leave now he was feeling much better but he could also really really do with a nap and a moment to himself. Donghyuck smiled at him before walking down the street and Renjun stood watching him go waiting till he’d turned the corner after sending him another smile, before heading inside. Once Renjun was back in his dorm room and collapsed on his bed the rush of the day hit him all at once making his feel stupidly worn out. He’d had a good day despite the headache and the stress and the mild nausea and the struggle of keeping up with Donghyuck at times but he’d had fun despite it all. Donghyuck just gave off good energy and Renjun couldn’t even be annoyed that he kept forgetting to speak directly to him which usually annoyed the life out of him. Renjun pushed his cheek further against the pillow as he thought about it all, how he had somewhere new to call home and new friends to go out with and how Donghyuck was so patient with him no matter what happened. Renjun thought about all of the times Donghyuck had smiled at him and all the things he’d excitedly shown Renjun as they walked around the neighbourhood, Renjuns body grew sleepy slowly drifting between awake and asleep as he thought. As he thought of the way Donghyuck pouted when he spoke and about Jaemins lonely chipped mug sat on the stool and of how in love Sicheng and Jaehyun looked whenever they looked at each other. He could no longer feel his legs or the tips of his fingers heavy with sleep as one final thought ran through his mind, perhaps he thought, perhaps he would be alright this time. 

 


	9. my bad

this isn’t dead.... i just sort of was for a while.

i fell behind on writing due to stuff irl and then i went to go on a mini hiatus to get loads of content written up and ready to post... but then i got the flu and was pretty much sleeping all day trying to get rid of my fever. 

(pls don’t abandon yet, the good stuff is coming soon)

(so uh update... i kinda ended up in hospital like two days after i posted this and then i started uni again so its been a mad time. but i am working on it)


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